


Trial and Error

by esama



Series: Watch and Learn by Trial and Error [2]
Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe, Fix-It, Gen, Health Issues, Hospitalization, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 11:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 35,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2849921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esama/pseuds/esama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With another wish granted, it's Sai's turn to uptake a new journey in life with Hikaru there to help all the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfiction.net around 2009  
> Proofread by Darlene  
> Warning: unfinished and abandoned

**Trial and Error**

**Prologue**

 

The thought hadn't fully settled in as Hikaru stared at the empty spot beside him. Some unattached part of his mind was hoping that it would never settle in. If he would stay in a state of disbelief then maybe… maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. If he didn't allow it to gain roots in his mind and heart then he wouldn't end up with that pain welling up inside him.

He closed his eyes, the hands which had been holding onto a soft thousand-year-old fabric falling to his side limply. His room smelled like ink and water colour and Go. Hikaru was somehow aware that he had begun to associate that smell with Sai at some point. Even now the scent was telling him that it was safe and alright - that Sai was just beside him.

But he wasn't. And the pain didn't _need_ to settle in because he had been carrying it with him for two and half years. It only needed to be freed from the hope he had been building around it, the wish that this time it was different. Except it wasn't. It was worse and Hikaru was alone again, this time without the luxury of disbelief and doubt. Sai had vanished right before his eyes, fading out of sight like nothing but a mirage. This time he couldn't tell himself that Sai had just gone somewhere, floated away, and that he would only have to chase after him….

A choked sob rattled through Hikaru, shaking him and making him slowly fall to the floor. After the myriad of fear, thoughts and memories of before his mind was painfully black. The absence of thought didn't help at all, though. It made the emotion only clearer. Grief, disappointment, disbelief, sorrow, anger, weakness, frustration, regret, grief…

"Hikaru!" a voice suddenly intruded into his pain filled mind. Hikaru looked up with a gasp, but it wasn't Sai. It was his mother calling from downstairs. "Hikaru, there is a phone call for you!"

Quickly wiping his tears off, Hikaru coughed to clear the lump in middle of his throat. "Tell them I'm not here!" he called, his voice sounding choked and strange even to him.

"I already told them you're here. It's a doctor from Kyoto, she wants to talk to you about your art!"

 _Why would a doctor want to talk to me about art?_ Hikaru asked, for a moment about to just tell that he wasn't feeling like talking and that she should just tell the doctor call later. But then, still so painfully fresh in his memory, he heard Sai's voice in the back of his head, admonishing from being rude.

 _Why now, why do I have to answer a goddamn phone now?_ he asked himself with anger and frustration, but got up. Wiping his face as dry as possible and trying to look normal even though he felt nothing but, he headed downstairs. There his mother waited by the phone.

"Dinner will be ready in half an hour," she said. "So don't talk for long."

"Hm, yeah," Hikaru answered, coughing again because his voice was still weird. Then, painfully pushing his mind aside, he picked up the phone. "Hello, this is Shindo Hikaru speaking."

"Master Shindo. My name is Tanaka Masami. You are the artist who painted the Graceless Defeat, correct?" female voice asked.

"The what?" Hikaru blinked. He had never named a single artwork of his - he hadn't even thought about it.

"The byobu in the Aoitsuki Hotel," the woman specified. "The one about a scene with the long haired man in Heian-styled clothing, sitting in front a Goban. One of the hotel managers informed me that the artwork's name was Graceless Defeat."

"Yes, I painted that, but I never gave it that name," Hikaru frowned a little, thinking back to the first folding screen he had painted. He had told Nakano about the scene, about the story behind it - the game Sai had lost and why. Maybe Nakano had told the buyer about it and they had given the work that name…

The Go pro shook his head. "I suppose it doesn't matter. What about the painting?" he asked before frowning and realising that if the woman was calling about art, it was probably to order a work. "Right now I'm not taking in any orders," he added. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not calling you to order art from you. I want to talk about the man in the painting. Did you have a model?" the woman asked eagerly.

The words made Hikaru wince almost violently - mostly because of the eagerness in the woman's voice. "Yes… yes I did, but I'm sorry to say that he has… passed away," he forced himself to say the words, knowing that he would have to get adjusted to them, knowing that… he would probably have to say them again.

"Oh? Are you absolutely sure?" the woman asked sharply.

"Yes, I'm sure," Hikaru snapped. "Why?"

"Because for the last two years or so, there has been a man in the KyotoCityHospital's coma ward who looks _exactly_ like him," the woman said.

The words took only about split of a second to sink in, but far longer to be understood. "What?" Hikaru asked slowly.

"There is a man here, who looks exactly like the man in your painting. He was brought in about two years ago, two and half maybe," the doctor said. "Ever since then he has been in the hospital’s care, deep in a coma. And for the entire length of that time we have been unable to find out who he is and where he came from. That is until a colleague of mine stayed at the Aoitsuki Hotel for a night and saw the byobu you painted."

Hikaru had to lean on the wall to keep himself from falling.

"When he told me about the painting, I contacted the hotel and got the contact information of your manager. Mister Nakano on the other hand gave me your phone number," the woman continued. "I was hoping that you could give me the man's name and --"

"I'll come there," Hikaru answered sharply, his heart twisting as painful hope struggled to overcome the grief and confusion. "If it is really him, then I have to see him with my own eyes."

The woman was quiet for a moment before agreeing. She told him to ask for her at the reception and after memorising her name Hikaru thanked her and hung up. For a moment he stood absolutely still before turning and dashing up to his room to grab his wallet.

"Mom, I'm going out!" he called after running back down again and quickly toeing his shoes on.

"What? Hikaru, it's almost the time for dinner! Where are you going?"

"To Kyoto," he called and was out of the door before she could say anything else. As he jogged towards the train station, there was only one determined thought in his head. _Sai!_

 

**I chapter**

**Starting Anew**

 

Sai's absence was burning Hikaru every minute of the two and half hour train ride from Tokyo to Kyoto. He was somewhat aware that he had maybe acted a bit hastily when he had just run to the train station and jumped on the first bullet train to Kyoto. He hadn't even thought of packing anything, just caring enough to get his wallet so that he could buy the ticket. But he didn't care. If Sai was in Kyoto, Kyoto was where Hikaru would go, and that was it.

 _He would admonish me for being impulsive and not caring about myself,_ the boy mused with the slightest bit of guilt. He should've at least packed some spare clothing in case he had to stay over. Well, at least he had money, he could just buy something if he needed it. _And I can sleep in a hotel, now that I think about it._ _Oh, damn it, I didn't even ask that doctor woman about visiting hours. Gah, I hope that the hospital is still open when I get there_ … that was another thing he had given no thought to.

Well, it was too late now. The train was pulling to a halt and the other passengers were gathering their luggage. Hikaru had none so he merely waited until the train stopped and they could leave. He managed to be amongst the first to get out. The train station was just as busy as the Tokyo one, so it took some time to make his way out, but he did. There he was somewhat relieved to see a line of cabs waiting for possible passengers nearby.

 _Now that I think about it, this is just the sort of stupid impulsive thing I did last time,_ Hikaru mused, approaching one of the cabs and asking if the driver could take him to the city hospital. _Except last time I went to_ _Hiroshima_ _and I had Kawai with me. This time I just ran off._

"I need to get to KyotoCityHospital," Hikaru said to the cab driver who had rolled his window down at the sight of him. "As soon as possible," Hikaru added for good measure.

"Hop in then, kid," the man said with a nod. "I'll get you there in no time at all." Soon after the driver was expertly steering the car along the busy streets towards whereever the hospital was. The drive wasn't all that long and soon the cab halted. After paying the fee, Hikaru got out and headed towards the hospital building, hoping that visiting hours weren't over yet. Or that if they were, he could still get to see the man who could be Sai.

Inside, Hikaru walked up to the nearest counter and asked for the doctor, Tanaka Masami. "I sort of have an appointment," Hikaru said somewhat awkwardly to the female nurse, who gave him a curious look. Then the nurse called for the doctor, who thankfully had been close by and Hikaru wasn't forced to wait for long.

"You're Shindo Hikaru?" the middle aged woman with light brown hair and eye glasses asked with surprise, taking in Hikaru's appearance. "You're younger than I thought." She hummed thoughtfully and then motioned him to follow her. "The visiting hours are almost over but I think we could make an exception in this case…"

The boy quickly followed her. "Can I see him?" Hikaru asked eagerly, not caring about being rude or polite. The anxious hope that he had been desperately trying to control was bursting in his chest. He _needed_ to know if the man was Sai, even if it would just be a bitter disappointment and he would end up with his hopes crushed. Again.

"Yes, that is where we are going," the woman nodded, glancing at him with a curious rebuke, as if wanting to ask him something and admonish him at the same time but holding it back. "How well do you know your model?" she then asked. "His name for one, address… any possible family members."

"If it's the person I know, I'll help you as much as I can," Hikaru said with a slight frown. "I need to see him for myself first." Because if he wasn't Sai, then anything he knew wouldn't be any help to this woman. And telling about Sai here, without a real cause… it probably wouldn't be a good idea.

The woman frowned as they came to an elevator. They stepped inside and she made the elevator lift them to the second floor. "Your model… you believe that he is dead, you said as much over the phone. How come?" she then asked. When Hikaru merely pressed his lips together and shook his head, her frown deepened. "You are not being very cooperative, Mister Shindo."

"And I won't be until I see him," Hikaru answered. "And if it's not the man I know then nothing I know will be of any use to you, will it?" he asked, raising his eyebrow. "So can we just wait until I see him?"

"Very well then," the woman murmured but didn't seem pleased. The elevator stopped and they stepped out. "This way," she motioned him to follow and led him into a rather large room. There were four beds there, all separated from each other by light blue curtains. Two of them seemed to be empty and one was occupied by old woman who was watching television. The last one at the end of the room was hidden by curtains.

Now feeling somewhat apprehensive, Hikaru followed the doctor to the end of the room. What if it wasn't Sai? What if it was? And why would Sai be here anyway, in flesh and blood, when he had died a thousand years ago? Wanting to ask some hundred more questions but not having the time to think about them, Hikaru took a deep breath and stepped forward to see what the curtains hid.

Hooked into various machines, a pale and very thin man lay motionlessly in the bed, dressed in white hospital issued clothes. There was one of those fluid lines leading into the back of the man's thin hand and a clear tube came out of his nose. Beside his bed a machine was quietly beeping with the man's calm heartbeat.

Hikaru's first thought was that of course this man wasn't Sai. He looked nothing like Sai. But before he could say so, something stopped him. Something about the man… did look familiar. Stepping forward, Hikaru narrowed his eyes and looked at the man more closely, taking in every detail. Sickly appearance, thin face, sunken eyes… dark hair so long that even though it had been braided, it still pooled abundantly beside the man's head on the pillow.

Taking another step forward, Hikaru frowned. Before he could stop it, his mind compared the man's features to Sai. The nose was the same, as was the forehead and the high cheek bones, but this man was so thin; much, much thinner than Sai was even though Sai hadn't exactly had a heavy build. But… but if Sai were to lose weight…

"I know he isn't as pretty a sight as the man from your painting," the doctor spoke, almost startling Hikaru out of his skin. "But he has been in a coma for the past two and a half years. Television always gives people a misleading image of comatose people being sleeping beauties, but nothing could be further from the truth. In last two years this man has been losing his muscle mass and the lack of activity has bought his immunity down quite bit. He just had a bad case of high temperature a month ago; he hasn't completely recovered from it."

Slowly Hikaru looked away from the man and to the doctor. As his mind slowly processed what she had said, he coughed softly. "He's been ill?" he asked. "How can a coma patient get ill?"

"Yes, he caught influenza," the woman nodded. "Being in a coma doesn't make one immune to illnesses. If anything it makes you more receptive to them. Luckily for him, this was the first time."

Rather numbly Hikaru turned his attention to the man again. Noticing a bench beside the bed, he slowly sat down. "How… how did he end up here?" he asked slowly. "And what is wrong with him?"

"He was found by some locals at the shore of a nearby river," the doctor answered. "That was about two and half years ago. The men who found him called an ambulance and he was brought here. And to be honest there was nothing outwardly wrong with him aside from the water in his lungs. We believed that he would wake up quickly enough. He should have."

"But he didn't," Hikaru conducted softly.

"No, he didn't. He has not reacted positively to any treatment we have given him and has been completely unresponsive from the beginning. Even for a comatose patient that is quite… severe. Comatose people usually can move their fingers, blink and even speak a few words on occasion but this man has been doing nothing but… sleeping," the woman sighed. "Though even that is misleading since he has had next to no brain activity in these past years."

Hikaru digested the words for a moment, running his eyes over the man's features. The man was a somewhat pitiful sight and that was probably the reason why he didn't want to accept that it was Sai. Sai had always been graceful and strong and this… this person was anything but.

When the silence stretched the woman coughed. "One other reason why I came to think that this man might be the man from your painting is because of what he was wearing when he was found," she said, walking around the bed and pushing the curtain between it and the wall back, revealing something that had been, perhaps unintentionally, hidden there.

Hikaru stared at the revealed outfit for a while. It was all there, neatly arranged on an old-fashioned display stand. The white kariginu over robe, the red hitoe that had been under it, the white nu-bakama pants… even the tabi socks and the tate-eboshi hat. Sai's entire outfit.

The boy coughed to clear his throat. "W-was there a fan?" he asked quietly.

"Ah, yes, this one," the doctor pulled out the fan - but unlike the beautiful graceful fan Sai had wielded, this one had been ruined by water. "I'm afraid it did not survive its visit to the water as well as the outfit did," the woman said, handing the ruined fan to Hikaru. "He also had pair of earrings; they are in a box in the drawer next to his bed."

Staring at it and unable to try and open it, Hikaru was quiet for a moment. Then he turned his attention to the silent, still man. "It is him," he whispered with slight undertone of pain and confusion.  Placing the fan gently aside, Hikaru got up only to sit on the bed beside the still man. His hands shook a little as he took the man's hand into his, mindful of the IV line. He almost winced at the feel of how cold the long, thin fingers were. _Oh, Sai…._

"So, you do know this man?" the doctor asked, taking out a notebook from her pocket along with a pen. "Could you tell me his name? Does he have any family?"

"Sai. His name is Fujiwara Sai," Hikaru spoke sadly while gently starting to massage the comatose man's fingers, hoping to transfer some of his warmth into them. "And I don't think he has any surviving family left."

"How about friends? Does he have a job? Where did he live two and half years ago?"

Hikaru glanced at the woman. "I think I'm his only friend, and other than teaching Go unprofessionally, he didn't have a job either," he answered. "And, um… could I have a moment alone with him?" he asked. He needed to think this through and the woman's questions weren't helping him at all.

The doctor stilled before sighing and closing the notebook. "Very well, take your time," she said. "I'll be waiting at the counter down the hall."

 Hikaru nodded his thanks and while ignoring the sound of door opening and closing and the sounds of the television, he concentrated on the sickly man before him. "Sai," he whispered, reaching out one hand and touching the man's thin face. It was warmer than the man's fingers but somehow clammy. And as Hikaru trailed his fingers up to brush the stray locks of dark hair aside, he found that the man's hair was slightly greasy. It was like he hadn't washed in a while - and maybe he hadn't been, Hikaru had no idea how often comatose patients were cleaned up.

 _How can this be my Sai?_ he asked with sad confusion. This poor sickly man was nothing like the beautiful strong spirit he knew. Just a few hours earlier Sai had been there beside him, lively and healthy looking but _dead_ and now… now there was this pitiful version of him, lying in a hospital bed where he had apparently been laying for _years_. In a coma, unresponsive, sustained and fed by machines and _alive_. Alive in that horrible way only those very ill can be alive.

Remembering one of those soap operas his mother watched and how comatose people had appeared in them, Hikaru shuddered. Television had it wrong, so very wrong. There was nothing beautiful or romantic about this sight, it was just horribly tragic and so real that it hurt. And it was pretty obvious that this man, this Sai, wasn't going to jump up, perfectly healthy, and start walking around normally like those characters did in TV.

"Sai," Hikaru whispered, giving up trying to warm the lax fingers. "Are you in there, Sai, can you hear me?" There was a little bit of disbelief and desperation in his tone, but he couldn't help it. It was so farfetched but maybe… maybe unlike last time, this time Sai hadn't just vanished. Maybe he had come here, into this body that had apparently been waiting for it. "Is this were you vanished, Sai?"

There was no response, Sai remained still and lifeless, only sharp beeping coming from a nearby machine telling that he was even alive. Hikaru took a shuddering breath and bowed his head. After two and a half years in coma, of course the man wasn't going to answer him. Then a scary thought came to him. Maybe Sai would never be able to respond? A thousand years as a ghost and over two years in a coma… maybe he…

 _No, no, no. If this was arranged by God then it makes no sense that he wouldn't be able to speak and move. Why set this whole thing up if Sai is just going to end up as a vegetable?_ Hikaru thought, taking a deep breath and stilling slightly as a thought came to him. _Could it be that this was really meant to end up like this? That I was sent to the past for this…?_ He raised his eyes up to Sai's pale face. _That has to be, the timing is just right. But… why not give Sai a body immediately? And why was the body here in_ _Kyoto_ _when we were in_ _Tokyo_ _?_

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head and tightening his hold on Sai's hand. It didn't matter right now, he'd think about it later. What was important right now was not how or why Sai was here, but how he would get him to awaken. And he would awaken. Tightening his hold again, Hikaru decided not to allow himself to think otherwise. Sai _would_ wake up.

Then he noticed how fragile the long fingers felt in his hand. Immediately relaxing his hold, Hikaru turned to look at the hand in his to make sure he hadn't bruised the other's fingers. He hadn't, thankfully, and while gently rubbing the fingers to clear the redness, he promised to be more careful. The current Sai wasn't physically strong. Hikaru couldn't allow himself to be careless and hurt him unwittingly.

 _Poor Sai,_ Hikaru mused sadly. _He looks so… starved. As if he hasn't eaten anything for a thousand years…._

Taking a deep breath and then releasing it slowly, Hikaru looked up at the man's face again. It was different… but it was still Sai. It was still his partner, still the person for whom he had come to the past. "Sai, can you hear me?" Hikaru asked, leaning forward a bit and holding his partner's hand against his chest. "Sai, please. If you're in there… please, give me some sign."

The fingers in his hold twitched. _He heard me!_ Hikaru gasped and looked down at them before gently squeezing the hand. "That's good, Sai, that's really good. Try it again," he encouraged. "Try opening your eyes. You can do it, I know you can."

Nothing happened at first and the comatose man remained still. Hikaru kept whispering encouragements, squeezing the man's hand now and then in support and keeping his eyes on the sickly face. Then the man's eyelashes fluttered just slightly. He didn't open his eyes but his lips parted. Weakly the man's pale lips mouthed a single word.

"Hikaru."

 

-

 

"It's not uncommon for those in a coma to react to familiar sounds or sensations," the doctor, Tanaka, privately told Hikaru after she had overcome her shock about the whole thing - apparently she hadn't been expecting Sai to ever regain consciousness. "It is very rare, but then again so are long term comas. However you should not expect him to be getting up and about, it doesn't quite work like that."

Hikaru frowned. "But he is waking up," he said, certain of it. Sai had only squeezed his hand and mouthed his name before falling unresponsive again, but that was more than enough to solidify Hikaru's hopes. There was no doubt about it anymore, not to him.

"Well, this is the first time he has responded any way. It is obvious that your voice and presence have a good influence on him - and it might very well be that he is waking up. But he has been in a vegetative state for a long time," the doctor frowned. "There will probably be severe mental and most certainly physical setbacks. It might be that he will never be the way he was."

 _Sai's mind is perfectly preserved, has been for a thousand years. There is nothing wrong with him mentally,_ Hikaru thought somewhat viciously but he couldn't exactly tell the woman that. "How bad will it be for him? Physically, I mean."

"I doubt he will be able to move much or at all at first. We have managed to keep him from getting bedsores and the worst of muscular atrophy, but even so we could do only so much. There is very little muscle mass left to move him -- Basically, he won't have the strength to move even if he remembers how. After so long his body might have forgotten, it's not uncommon," the doctor explained. "If he regains full consciousness, it will take time and vigorous physical therapy before he regains mobility."

"Muscle exercises, huh?" Hikaru murmured, leaning back.

"Among other things. There is also the matter of easing him back to solid food and such. Speedy recovery is unfortunately not part of cases like these," the woman nodded. "Now, before we continue, I would like to ask some questions about him."

"I don't know how much I can help you with that," the boy answered with a frown. It wasn't like Sai had a home or a family or a _background_ in this time line. If there would be an investigation or something like that about Sai, it could really get tricky. "I don't know much about Sai's past myself." Sadly enough it wasn't actually a lie. He didn't know nearly as much as he wanted to.

"But you are close to him, correct?"

Hikaru nodded. "Sai is my closest friend. He taught me to play Go and, of course, he let me paint him," he took a deep breath. "I'm afraid that is about it."

"Go?" the doctor raised her eyebrows, apparently confused about why he brought it up.

"I'm a professional Go player. Sai was, once, my teacher," the boy explained.

"Oh, I see. Unusual for someone as young as you to have an occupation," the woman mused, shaking her head with a slight bit of wonder before frowning. "But that's beside the point. Before you said that Fujiwara has no family or friends other than yourself. You also said that he has no job. If you know this much, then…"

"We are close friends but I didn't exactly try prying into his personal business," Hikaru answered with a frown, trying to make it believable. Saying that he knew nothing was better than saying what he actually knew. "His past was his own, and it was very rarely a subject of discussion between us."

The doctor sighed. "I don't want to push a subject that is obviously painful for you to talk about," she said with a frown. "But to be honest, it has been somewhat of a struggle to keep him here. With no one asking for him and no information of where he came from or who he was… Well, to put it shortly and nastily, some wanted to pull the plug on him."

"They wanted to stop taking care of him?" Hikaru's insides grew cold. "And without care he would've died?" he asked quietly.

The woman nodded sadly. "Finding his next of kin or a medical proxy was important, but as you now know, we never did," she said, looking at him seriously. "Finding someone to look after his best interest is an issue even now. Even in the best case scenario, he will need someone to take care of him in the following months. Maybe the following years."

Hikaru thought about it. "I guess I'm too young to be the one, huh?" he asked quietly with a frown.

The woman gave him an apologising look. "You would have to be over the age of eighteen to be his medical proxy. And of course you would have to have Mister Fujiwara's approval."

Hikaru ran his hands through his hair, before looking up. "I'm the only one who knows him," he said with a little bit of annoyance. "Or at least the only one who cares about him enough to really worry about these things - and I can't help him?" he sighed and pondered about it for a moment. "What can I do for him?" he then asked.

"Right now?" the woman asked and sighed. "Since it seems that your presence is helping him, you can… be present. If or when he is fit enough to talk for himself… he can make the decisions about health care himself. So a medical proxy might not even be necessary."

Hikaru nodded in understanding. "Is it possible for me to stay here with him for the night?" he then asked, glancing at the window. It was getting dark outside. "I did sort of run straight here from Tokyo. I should probably look for a hotel but," he shrugged helplessly. "This is my first time being in Kyoto. I have no idea where to start looking. Also, I want to stay with him."

The woman shook her head. "It is against the policy," she said slowly but at the sight of the imploring look in his eyes she sighed. "But I guess exceptions can be made," she then added. "But only for this night. And don't bother Mrs. Yoshida, she's the woman saying in the room as well."

"Thank you," Hikaru thanked heartily. They talked some more about possible routes Sai's health could go and how he needed to be treated in these cases. She also loaned Hikaru a book about physical therapy while handing him a handful of leaflets about the subject, before the boy returned to his partner's side. He would have to spend the night in an uncomfortable chair beside Sai's bed, but he didn't mind it as long as he could just stay by the man's side.

"It might be hard and it might take time, but you'll get better," Hikaru murmured to the unresponsive man while leafing through the book. It painted some gruesome pictures but since Sai was suffering from severe lack of exercise rather than loss of limb or spinal damage, the boy remained hopeful. "You just need to wake up properly and then you can start getting better."

Sai didn't respond but the sharp beeping was starting to sound somehow comforting to Hikaru. The boy brushed his fingers through the stray dark locks of the man's hair, brushing them down from his face. "And every step of the way, I'll be there helping you along."

 

**II chapter**

**Looking Back**

 

"The teacher said that Shindo has talked it over with the principal," Kaneko said while taking out the foldable Go board. "That he won't be in school for at least a few weeks."

"Huh?" Akari asked with surprise, glancing at the other. "Few weeks?" she then questioned worriedly, wondering if it was because of some Go related business. She had heard that sometimes Hikaru had to do Go related jobs and there were plenty of games he needed to play, but this was the first time she had heard about something that would take weeks of Hikaru's time.

 _And he didn't tell us anything about it,_ she mused worriedly, glancing around. Mitani wasn't there yet and the others were still in class, it seemed. Then she looked back to Kaneko. "Did the teacher say why?"

"Not to the whole class, but before recess I asked her why he's missing. Apparently his friend is hospitalised in Kyoto and he wants to be there for them for now," the other girl shrugged, checking the nearest stone bowl. Since they were black stones she handed the bowl to Akari. "That's why he's been missing days, apparently he headed to Kyoto last Saturday."

Frowning worriedly, Akari took the bowl, setting the lid beside it before shifting into a more comfortable position on the bench. Then almost absently she laid handicap stones down. _Friend in_ _Kyoto_ _? I didn't know he knew anyone from_ _Kyoto_ _… Must be one of his Go pro friends,_ she thought to herself with a little bit of resignation. Then she quickly forced back the slightly bitter feeling as they started to play.

Hikaru had been living in a different world and feeling like a different person for a long while now. He still had stopped around to play with them from time to time, but it hadn't felt the same in a while. Akari wasn't sure when it had started to feel like he was moving onto places beyond her understanding but now days she had accepted it. The Shindo Hikaru with whom she had grown up with and who had been her best friend, was long since gone. The Shindo Hikaru of now was a different person.

 _I wonder if the person Hikaru went to see in_ _Kyoto_ _is important to him,_ she pondered as Kaneko made her move. _Has to be, Hikaru doesn't visit people. Or at least… he didn't use to. Not unless it was really serious._ She stopped to eye the Goban before reaching out, taking a black stone and placing it down. _I hope his friend is alright._

"Do you think Shindo will stop going to the pro games too?" Kaneko asked, leaning her chin on her palm while placing her stone down without much of a thought. "Since he's in Kyoto. If he comes back here for every game it would get expensive for him."

"Yeah," Akari murmured while eying the board thoughtfully. Hikaru was really serious about Go so the idea of him skipping games was a bit weird. "Maybe I'll ask his mother. Mrs. Shindo is bound to know," she offered.

"Well, it's not like it's important to us," Kaneko shrugged. "We have a tournament coming up, thinking about Shindo might just distract us." She glanced up as the door to the classroom was opened and Mitani walked in. "I was starting to think you weren't going to show up at all."

"Bah," the boy murmured, walking over to them and falling to sit on a bench nearby. "Teacher held be back to talk about my grades." He glanced around. "The others?"

"Still in class," Kaneko answered, turning her attention to the board as Akari made her move.

"How about Shindo?" the orange haired boy narrowed his eyes. "Is he still skipping?"

"No, the teacher told us today that Shindo's away with permission. He's visiting a sick friend in Kyoto or something like that," the girl answered, her concentration on the foldable board. "Apparently he won't be around for a while."

"You heard anything about that?" Mitani asked, turning his attention to Akari. "You live right next to him, right?"

"Well, yeah, but… I only heard about it today too," Akari shrugged helplessly.

"Hm. Well, whatever. We can train for the tournament just as well without him," the boy announced, looking at the game between the girls. "After Kaneko wins, you two can play multiple games against me."

"Hey, I haven't lost yet," Akari argued.

"Yet," Mitani repeated, making the girl pout. But, as bothersome as it was, he was right. Even with the handicap she still lost most of the games against Kaneko. The other girl was just too good - and Mitani was even way better than Kaneko. Next to Kumiko, Akari was the worst player of the club.

 _Well, it's still fun even though I'm not a strong player like the others,_ she thought somewhat defiantly while she slowly but steadily lost the game to Kaneko. With a sigh she resigned and they cleaned the board before taking out another so that they could play the multiple games. _You don't have to always win for it to be fun._

That made her wonder how much fun Hikaru had while playing. As far as she knew, Hikaru hadn't lost yet.

 

-

 

Seiji frowned to himself while getting out of his car. In the last week there had been so many things going on that he had barely had the time to stop to think properly. The game between _sai_ and Toya Koyo, Seiji's own triumph with the Judan title, then the Meijin's resignation. Though the game between _sai_ and Toya Koyo had been incredible, he hadn't had the time to think about the implications of it - even though Shindo had spoken them out loud he hadn't considered the risk in it.

 _"…because Sai… in a week Sai might not be here anymore…"_ Shindo had said. And Seiji had even prided himself in understanding what it really meant for Shindo. But he hadn't, he really hadn't. Again he had judged Shindo just slightly wrong.

Earlier that day, Shindo had missed a game and lost by default. Ever since the boy had won his awards due to his winning streak, more people had been keeping an eye on him. Then, out of the blue, the boy failed to show up and gave his opponent a default victory. It had had the lower-dans absolutely buzzing with confusion as everyone tried to come up with reasons as to why the boy had failed to show up. Everyone was betting on some horrible accident - something similar to the former Meijin's collapse.

And the thought of how right and wrong they could be made the new Judan shiver just slightly. Because he knew that there was only one thing that could make Shindo skip a game. He just hadn't realised that it could and probably _would_ lead to that. Shindo had said it himself, over and over, there was nothing more important to him than _sai_. Everything he did was for _sai_ , and still Seiji hadn't considered it.

Now he didn't know which thought was more frightening. The horrible conclusion that _sai_ had died, or that Shindo would stop playing Go because of it. Shindo had only played because _sai_ couldn't, so the conclusion was that he could very well decide that playing Go was useless now…

Looking up at the house of the Toyas, the Judan took a last breath through his cigarette. Though he had already come to his own, somewhat troubling conclusions, he wanted someone to back them up. Toya Akira was about as close to Shindo as he was, maybe closer, so it was possible that he knew more - that Shindo had said something to him. They had met for a game in the previous week after all.

Shaking his head, Seiji dropped the cigarette to the sidewalk and stepped life out of it. Then he walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. It was Akiko who opened it. "Oh, Seiji, hello," the woman greeted him with a smile, immediately opening the door for him. "Do come in. Koyo is by the Goban -- he doesn't have any visitors right now."

"I'm here to see Akira actually," the Judan answered. "Is he here?"

"Oh, Akira? No, he called earlier to say that he'd be late. He was going to visit someone," the former Meijin's wife murmured, frowning in concentration. "I think it was that boy who visited Koyo in the hospital, Shindo, whom he intended to visit. I'm not sure though, it might've been someone with similar a name."

 _He decided to head to Shindo's house, huh?_ "No, that's him," Seiji nodded, immediately turning around to leave. "Thanks. Apologise to the Mei -- to Master Toya for me that I couldn't stay for longer. I have something to talk about with Akira and it can't wait, I'm sure he'll understand."

"Of course," the woman nodded with a smile but seemed slightly confused as with a nod of recognition the man turned around and headed off. Soon Seiji was back in his car, shaking out a new cigarette from the packet before turning the engine on. He barely stopped to put the seat belt on before lighting the cigarette and driving off.

 _If Akira saw the need to head to Shindo's house directly, Shindo couldn't have told him anything before hand,_ Seiji murmured with a frown. _The whole thing wasn't sudden though. Shindo did ask me to play_ sai _last week - and he played Akira unofficially…_

In that internet game, Seiji hadn't managed to rise to meet _sai_ like Toya Koyo had, but it had been a great game nonetheless. In comparison to the game Seiji had gotten to play against the secretive genius a year ago, _sai_ had improved yet again. The Judan supposed that _sai_ was, or had been, one of those people who never stopped learning. It was truly a pity if Shindo's secretive master had died.

 _But if he did…_ Seiji inhaled through the cigarette deeply, trying to get rid of his anxiety. If _sai_ had died, it was important to make Shindo understand that it was not a reason for him to stop playing Go. If the prodigy would stop, Go would lose one of its greatest players. That couldn't be allowed to happen, especially not so soon after the Meijin's resignation.

Seiji got to Shindo's house just in time to see Akira walking down the sidewalk. The young second-dan seemed to recognise him immediately, stopping mid step as Seiji stopped the car beside him. The Judan quickly rolled the window down. "Was he home?" Seiji asked once the younger pro had come close enough to hear.

Instantly understanding what he meant, Akira frowned.  "No, he…" the young pro trailed away with a slightly confused frown before, in a highly un-Akira like move, opened the car's door and sat down beside the elder pro. For Akira such a move was almost rude. "He's in Kyoto. According to Shindo's mother, he headed there last Saturday."

"Kyoto?" Seiji asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes. His mother said that he got a phone call from a hospital there and headed off the next moment," Akira shrugged helplessly and motioned towards the Shindo house. "Just when I was asking about him, Shindo called his house. I got to exchange a few words with him. Apparently he had something important to take care off in Kyoto. He's going to take a leave from Go so that he won't lose his games by default."

Seiji raise his eyebrows. "You don't think…?"

"I don't know what to think. But… he didn't sound sad or grieving," the young pro shook his head. "He was actually rather flippant about it, like being absent or present didn't really matter to him."

"If it's about _sai_ , I doubt it does," Seiji murmured thoughtfully. _So,_ sai _is in a hospital in_ _Kyoto_ _,_ he mused while starting the car. "Did Shindo say when he's going to be back?"

"No, though he did say that it could take a while," the young pro sighed and shook his head. He still had a troubled frown on his face but he didn't seem as worried as he would've been if he had thought that Shindo was resigning completely. "I trust that he will he back eventually. When he's done in Kyoto."

"Hm. I wonder is he's going to visit the Kansai branch," Seiji murmured, frowning at the idea of Shindo moving from the Tokyo to the Kansai branch of the Go Association. Shaking his head he decided that Shindo wouldn't. His home was in Tokyo after all. The thought of _sai_ being from Kyoto was interesting though. "I'll give you ride home," he spoke to the young pro sitting beside him.

"I'd appreciate that."

The next day the news of Shindo's leave "due to personal reasons" left the Go Association full of whispers.

 

-

_Not here either,_ Yoshitaka mused to himself with a slight frown while looking around in the hall where the Young Lions Tournament was soon starting. Shindo had won the tournament the last time, but it seemed that the rumours of his leave were very much true. He wasn't going to show up this time.

 _I wonder what's going on with him,_ the first-dan frowned, pushing his hands into his pockets. He had thought that Shindo would be one of those people who would miss a game only if there was absolutely no other alternative. So there had to be a serious reason as to why he wasn't there. _But what could be serious enough to keep him from playing?_

He already had a sort of answer for that, but he didn't like it too much. sai _hasn't been on the ’net since last weekend…_ Yoshitaka thought, a frown passing through his face before he forced it away. It wasn't like _sai_ played every day on the ’net, sometimes he took a break of day or two, but it had been a week already. That was the longest _sai_ had been off of the net since appearing. He hadn't played a single game…

And there was the game between _sai_ and Toya Koyo to consider as well. That magnificent game that couldn't have been just a lucky accident, two masters unknowingly challenging each other. No, not with the time limits set and the rumours going about it before it even took place. That had been planned. But for what purpose?

 _To give_ sai _the chance to play the best before the end?_ Yoshitaka wondered and the thought made him shiver. It did sound like something the Youkai would do, but the prospect of an _end_ was frightening. Watching the mysterious genius's games had been the highlight of Yoshitaka's evenings and he knew that it was the same for many who frequented in the 'net.

Too soon, it had come too soon. _Sai_ had barely been present for two years, and now it was over? It was much too soon! There had been so many games to see, so much to learn from the man's unrivalled skill! And what of that game between the former Meijin and _sai_? Why did it have to be so that there wouldn't be another game like it?

But if… if that was what was happening, it certainly explained Shindo's absence.

"Waya!" a familiar voice called and the first-dan raised his eyes to see the insei. Honda and Nase were walking towards him. "Hey. You're going to be sitting on the other side of the table this time. Excited?"

Waya snorted. Remembering all the times he had been in the Young Lions Tournament, sitting on the insei side. "Not really, I don't think it will be much different from sitting on the Insei side," he said. "Fuku isn't with you?"

"He's in the bathroom," Honda motioned somewhere behind them. "He should be here in a moment."

"Is it true that Shindo's on leave?" Nase asked, leaning forward with a look of worry on her face. "People are saying that he won't be around for weeks."

"Yeah. He didn't show up to his oteai game either, lost by default," Yoshitaka frowned. "I asked around today and heard that he called in to ask for a leave. It must be true since he's not here - or in the tournament match ups," he motioned towards the board where the match ups had been written.

"Do you know why?" Nase asked. "Ever since he stopped teaching us we've been a bit out of the loop with him, you know."

"I'm not sure, but…" the first-dan sighed, shrugging his shoulders. Telling them about _sai_ didn't really matter. Honda and Nase weren't into internet Go and had never really understood the relationship between the Youkai and the mysterious internet sensation. "It must be something serious though, nothing less would make him take a leave. He likes playing too much."

The insei nodded. "I hope he's alright," Nase murmured and glanced around. She chuckled somewhat sadly. "It'll be strange here, without Isumi."

"Yeah," Yoshitaka frowned, thinking back to his best friend. He hadn't heard much from Isumi since hearing that he had quit the insei. _With him and Shindo both running around doing god knows what…_ he sighed and shook his head. "I better find my seat," he said. "Good luck, you guys. Fuku too."

"Same to you, Waya," Honda nodded.

Finding his seat, the first-dan stretched his hands and frowned. _Whatever. Isumi will come back when he's ready - he's not a quitter so he's bound to be in the pro exam. And Shindo only took a leave and he likes playing too much to quit it. He will back too. Eventually._

He thought about it for a moment. _Maybe I should start working harder. I doubt Shindo will just stop playing Go while being away and Isumi's probably out somewhere training harder than before… I'll be left behind if I don't start working harder…._

Thought of his mother popped up and all the times he had been forced away from studying because of some household chore. He grimaced slightly. _Maybe… maybe it's time I started thinking about moving out. I have a job so I can pay the rent and all… yeah. That isn't such a bad idea. I could even host study sessions._

 

-

 

 _Last time around, Shindo was here,_ Akira thought, thinking back to the Young Lions Tournament from the previous year. _We met in the final round, Father and Master Ogata were there to watch… it was a beautiful game. First one against him that I managed to bring to yose, first one I didn't resign._

He thought back to the game and the few they had played after it. When he thought about it, he and Shindo hadn't played all that many times during the two years they had known each other. There was the game in his father salon, the first one he had played against Shindo. Then the game in the pro exam and the game in last year's Young Lions Tournament. And then there was that strange game in the art school, the game he still hadn't completely figured out. The game in oteai and then the game in his father's salon, the game he had played just a week ago.

 _That's really not all that many,_ Akira mused with a frown. They had all been marvellous games to be sure, from the very first to the very last. Six of the greatest games he had played, even if the first one had been Shidou-Go. But there still hadn't been that many of them considering that it had been more than two years.

 _When he comes back, we need to play more. I need to ask him…_ the dark haired boy frowned, wondering how the other second-dan would react if he would ask. He thought, or at least hoped, that Shindo enjoyed playing against him. Maybe he wasn't yet good enough to be on par, maybe the gap between them was still there, but he was still a decent opponent, wasn't he? Shindo hadn't ignored him yet.

 _It's thanks to him, in a way, that I am here,_ Akira mused. Of course, if Shindo had never stepped into his life he would've entered the pro world regardless, but thanks to Shindo it was different. The other second-dan had… guided him or challenged him in the beginning. Coaxed him. Because of that there was more meaning in it, in playing Go. Even though most of the time Akira wasn't quite sure what that meaning was.

 _To catch up with Shindo? To win against him? To surpass him so that I can concentrate on the higher-dans?_ He frowned and looked up as he heard his name being called. He and his insei opponent were called to their seat. _Catch up with him…_ he mused while walking to the table and sitting down. His opponent was a nervous wreck but Akira couldn't even see her. _How can I catch up to someone who seems to improve in leaps - and has two different styles of playing?_

How could someone have two hands of Go anyway?

As the beginning of the game was announced, Akira bowed his head in the traditional greeting, his thoughts still on Shindo. _Father has a new Go,_ he mused while waiting for the insei to make her move. _Ever since that game against Sai, Father's Go changed. It's not weaker. It's not stronger. But it is different._ But his father was a seasoned player - one of the greatest at that. Shindo was no older than Akira himself.

 _Though… If one game against Sai can make Father change his go, then… what would Sai do to his student?_ He pondered. Shindo hadn't exactly said it, referring to Sai as his closest friend and his reason for playing, but it was no secret that Shindo had learned to play from Sai. And Sai's strength and genius was no secret to anyone. What kind of student could a player like him morph?

 _Someone like Shindo, huh?_ Akira mused, glancing up as the insei finally played her hand. Akira thought about it for a moment before stifling a sigh. _This is really no time to think about this. I have a game to play._ With a mental shake of his head, he pushed the thoughts of Shindo and Sai back, and concentrated on playing.

The insei was good… but not yet good enough. The game didn't last long and much to Toya's relief the insei didn't want to discuss it, instead thanking him for the game and hurrying off to watch others. While resting his hands on the bowl of white stones, the second-dan frowned. Then he glanced around. Though there were plenty of young pros in the tournament, it just didn't seem the same without Shindo there.

 

**III chapter**

**Waiting for**

 

Hikaru was bored and he felt horrible for it. Sai was ill, he had no right to sit around feeling bored, but he did. As the initial shock of the situation had slowly worn off and he had concentrated his attention to the thought of getting Sai _better_ as soon as possibly, he had started to slowly realise that this was… really going to take a while. Doctor Tanaka had said as much but Hikaru hadn't quite believed her before he had spent a few days sitting by Sai's bed and just… waiting.

Though Sai was waking up it was really slow progress. The first day Hikaru had been there he had just squeezed his hand and mouthed Hikaru's name before falling under again. The second day he had been completely unresponsive apart from twitching of his eyelashes when Hikaru had spent an hour or so rambling about Go to fill the silence. The third day he had opened his eyes a few times - which had had Hikaru in a frenzy at the first time - but now Hikaru wasn't sure if he had been able to see anything or even fully awake.

And between the random periods of semi wakefulness from his partner, Hikaru had nothing to do. Though he still couldn't be torn away from Sai other than to sleep in a nearby hotel - Tanaka wouldn't let him sleep in the hospital anymore, much to Hikaru's agony - and do necessary things like eating, he was bored. Sai was struggling to gain control over his body, and Hikaru felt bored.

 _I'm a horrible person at times,_ the boy sighed, leaning back in his chair while holding the physical therapy book in his lap and Sai's hand in his. Doctor Tanaka had said that physical contact might help Sai reach wakefulness - ground him - so Hikaru made it a point to always hold the man's hand. The idea of getting used to how thin the long fingers felt was somewhat sickening though. He didn't _want_ to get used to seeing Sai like this. It just… wasn't right in any way.

"That man must really be important to you," Mrs. Yoshida, who was the other patient staying in Sai's room, spoke from her bed. Hikaru had pushed back the curtains separating Sai from the rest of the world so the woman could now easily see them both from her spot. "Since you're here all the time. Don't you have school to go to?"

"I took a leave," Hikaru answered, not willing to spare a thought to the school work that was no doubt piling up and waiting to attack him when he would return. "And yeah, he is important," he glanced at Sai's face. That he still had to get adjusted to, thankfully. Seeing Sai's handsome features so sickly and thin would never get easy.

"How old are you? Fifteen?" At Hikaru's nod the woman hummed. "Unusual to see a boy of your age being this responsible. Especially with… that sort of appearance," she pointed at Hikaru's hair.

"I guess I'm a bit special fifteen year old then," Hikaru murmured, closing the book. He had already glanced through it more times than he cared to count; it was getting boring to read it over and over. _I should probably visit a clothing store or something,_ he mused, looking down at his pants. He hadn't been able to change his clothing in the last few days because he didn't have any. _Some, ugh… something to kill time with would be good too. Maybe a sketchbook. And a portable Goban… maybe a magazine or a few - the new_ Go Weekly _should be out by now…_

Immediately he felt guilty about the thoughts, throwing a look towards Sai. _I'm sorry, but sitting here doing nothing is getting tedious,_ he sighed, placing the book on the table beside Sai's bed. Then he glanced at Mrs Yoshida's bedside table. She had a vase full of fresh flowers there - her granddaughter had visited her just in the previous day. _I wonder if I should bring Sai something like that. Flowers or something. He might like it when he wakes up._

"Hey, do you know any places nearby where I could buy clothing and stuff?" Hikaru asked, glancing at Mrs. Yoshida.

"Yeah, there's a shopping mall nearby. You can get there by walking," the woman raised her eyebrows. "You're really not from around here, huh? I can draw you a map…" She turned to take out a notebook from the table beside her bed along with a pen. After a moment of drawing she ripped the page off the book and handed it towards Hikaru, who got up to fetch it. It didn't only have a rough map in it but few notes like 'don't turn left here' and 'keep walking past the crossing'.

"Thanks," Hikaru nodded, folding the paper and slipping it into his pocket. Then, throwing a glance towards the window to make sure that it was still early enough for the shops to be open, he walked to Sai's bed.

"Hey. I'm going to go away for a while," he spoke to the motionless man, taking his hand and squeezing gently. "I need to buy some stuff, I'm gonna need it if I'm going to stay here so… I'll be back tomorrow alright?" Of course Sai didn't respond, but Hikaru didn't allow it or the strained feeling in his chest bother him. Instead he squeezed the man's hand before gently placing it down again. "I'll be here first thing in the morning," he murmured and forced himself to leave.

Leaving Sai behind, to lie here alone was no easier than it had been the second day. And even with Mrs. Yoshida and Doctor Tanaka there, he was alone - and Hikaru couldn't shake the worrisome feeling of what if. What if Sai woke up and Hikaru wasn't there? So far the man hadn't been alert enough to probably even realise what was going on but what if he would?

 _It's fine, it's fine. He's not going to miraculously get better the moment I leave him - and he's not a baby,_ Hikaru thought to himself while walking towards the nearest counter to let the nurse know that he was leaving so that they could tell Doctor Tanaka. The thought was a bit forced though - and he was pretty sure that Sai wouldn't be able to function properly in the modern world. As a ghost it had been enough, he hadn't needed to interact with the world around him, but like this?

 _Sai knows the modern world, he has seen it with me,_ Hikaru thought while speaking to the nurses. They nodded and bid him good evening, already adjusted to his presence in the hospital's long term care ward even outside visiting hours. _So he will be fine if he wakes up. And first thing he'll no doubt do I to ask for me. And the doctor and Mrs. Yoshida will know to tell him where I am and that I will be back…_

It didn't really help his worries at all. _I need to get a phone or something so that Tanaka can call me if Sai wakes up and I'm not there. I wonder if the mall has a store that sells those things._

Hikaru ended up spending more money than day that he probably ever had. Getting a phone and connection to it wasn't as cheap as he had thought and while buying clothes he realised one thing he had given not thought before. Aside from the hospital clothes and the Kariginu, Sai had no clothing at all. Or any possessions for that matter.

The saleswoman was happy to help him buy more clothing but got slightly exasperated with him when he tried to describe Sai's size. "He's about this much taller than me and kind of thin," just didn't seem to cut it. Though Hikaru was tempted to buy Sai some good looking clothes, he ended up going with the ones which looked the most comfortable. _Since Sai has never worn modern clothing before, it's better to start easy._

There was no shop in the mall that sold foldable Gobans but he did get one of those miniature metallic ones with magnetic pins for stones. Also he got Go Weekly and another magazine that had both Go and Shogi articles in it along with a rather thick sketchbook and some drawing utensils. He finished his shopping spree by visiting a store that sold flowers - the girl there giggled a lot as he asked for a bouquet but sobered up when he told that he was taking them to his friend in the hospital rather than some girl.

Walking to the hotel with his arms full of bags and carrying a packet of flowers wasn't really as pleasant as women made it seem - they ended up being really heavy, with clothing for both him and Sai in them - but he managed. There he belatedly realised that he probably should've bought the flowers the next day - and that there was a gift shop on the first floor of the hospital which he could've used. The flowers would maybe get a bit bad before he could take them to Sai the next day, but it couldn't be helped.

 _I'll just buy more after they wither or something,_ he mused after finally getting to his room in the hotel. It was pretty small and pretty cheap without a TV or even a fridge, but it was enough for him since he did nothing but sleep in there. It had a shower and he could just eat in the restaurant on the first floor - or at the hospital cafeteria.

Letting the bags to fall to the floor and falling to the bed himself, he groaned. _I don't know how girls like this shopping stuff,_ he mused while fishing his new phone out of his pocket. Opening the lid and staring at the brightly lit screen, he hummed thoughtfully. He needed to call his parents to let them know he had gotten a phone. He had already settled things with the Go Association, but giving them his new phone number probably wasn't a bad idea either.

 

-

 

It shouldn't have surprised him as much as it did that the first person to call him would be Ogata Seiji. This happened the very next morning after Hikaru had bought the cell phone and let the Association know his contact in case there was something dire he needed to know - though what could be dire in a profession like Go he didn't know. Hikaru was just walking towards the hospital when the phone started to ring.

"How is he?" Ogata asked after hey had exchanged the usual greetings, which had been a bit awkward on Hikaru's side since he really hadn't expected the man to call him. Confused by the words the boy didn't answer for a while, so the elder pro continued. "You're there to see _sai_ , right?"

Shifting the packet of flowers and a paper bag he was carrying to his left and, Hikaru frowned. "Ah, yeah. How did you know?" He hadn't actually given the reason for his leave to the association - he had indicated it to Toya, but he hadn't really said it…

"Nothing else could drag you from Go. So how is he? He's in the hospital, right?"

Hikaru sighed. Right then he didn't even want to think what theories the man may have or where he had gotten his information from, it would've just given him a headache. "He's in a coma," he answered, deciding that going with a lie at this point wouldn't work. And lying would just hurt in the long run now that Sai was actually alive. "He's been coming to for the last few day but it's a really slow process. He's never awake more than a few minutes and I'm not even sure if he's aware of anything yet."

There was a silence from the other end. "Oh," the man then said with mild shock in his voice - apparently he hadn't been expecting it. "And… is he going to get better?"

"Eventually, but it will take a while," the boy answered, looking up to the hospital while entering the yard. "I'm going to stay here with him for now, wait for him to come to. I'll think about the rest later on."

"I see," Ogata said and was quiet for a moment. Then he let out a sigh which made Hikaru certain that he was smoking. "Are you going to visit the Kansai branch while you're there?"

"Hm?" Hikaru blinked with confusion.

"The Kansai Go Association, they have an office in Kyoto and the main office is in Osaka," the elder pro explained. "If you haven't visited them before, you might want to take the chance now. Could be a learning experience."

"Hm. Yeah, I'll think about it. Not right now though," Hikaru said, stopping right before the hospital entrance. There was a sign on the door saying that cellular phones had to be turned off before going inside. "Listen, I need to hang up and turn off my phone. They're not allowed inside the hospital."

"Alright. Let me know when he's better - and when you'll return to Tokyo, alright?"

"Yes, alright," Hikaru nodded. They bid their goodbyes and Hikaru hung up. After saving the number Ogata had called from, he turned the phone off and slid it into his pocket. Then he headed inside, absently greeting the nurse behind the counter before heading straight for the elevator and to the level where Sai was.

When he got to the room, Tanaka was there talking with Mrs. Yoshida. "Oh, Shindo. Good morning," she greeted him, noticing the packet he was carrying. "Flowers?"

"Yeah, I thought he'd might like them," Hikaru shrugged.

The woman smiled and nodded. "There are vases over there," she pointed at a cupboard next to the bathroom. "You can put the flowers to one of them."

Hikaru did, taking some water from the bathroom before unwrapping the flowers and placing them into the vase. The night in the packet hadn't done them any favours but they were still beautiful to look at and Hikaru hoped that now that they were in real water they would get better.

"Hey, Sai. Good morning," he greeted his partner softly while Tanaka continued to talk with Yoshida about the woman's upcoming operation. Ignoring them the boy sat down beside the bed and took the man's hand into his. "See, I brought you flowers. I don't know if you like them or not but you've always been the sort of guy who appreciates beauty," he mused with a soft smile. "I also brought a few magazines with me and I thought that I could read them to you. It'll bring both of us up to speed with what's happened with the Go world."

He took out the magazines but only leafed through them for now, not wanting to disturb the talk between Tanaka and Yoshida since it sounded serious. Soon after it was over, but as the doctor made her way to Sai's corner, Hikaru set the magazines down again.

"I think he's starting to get a bit stronger. He definitely has more colour than before," Tanaka murmured while checking over the man. She glanced at Hikaru and smiled. "You being here for him definitely has a positive impact on him."

"That's good to hear," Hikaru nodded. "How long do you think it will take before he can actually be awake for more than a few minutes at a time?"

"Hard to tell. He's definitely trying to wake up, and is getting better at it every day. But give him the time he needs. These things don't happen suddenly," the woman said. They exchanged a few words before she had to head off to check up on other patients.

While Mrs. Yoshida headed out to have a cigarette, Hikaru opened the Go Weekly again and started to read. "Oh, seems like Toya won the Young Lions Tournament this time," he murmured with a smile. "I completely forgot about that. He's done well with his other games so far too. The third preliminaries of the Honinbo tournament will begin soon too… looks like he'll be a third-dan before me. Good for him."

 _Strange how little those things mean right now,_ Hikaru mused, thinking about the Honinbo tournament. He was no longer part of it - or Sai was no longer part of it. Or any of the other tournaments. _Though continuing with that as I am right now wouldn't really mean much. It's Sai's career after all. He's the second-dan. Not me. Well, we'll think about that later when Sai's fit to talk._

He read the articles about the games of the higher-dans and some reviews about foreign games. Then he recited some of the kifu in the magazine, taking out the portable Goban and recreating the games on it while saying the hands aloud. The discussion about the game was a bit awkward to do alone, but it still felt like Sai was listening so it was alright.

By noon he had read the magazine through and through, even skimmed through the other magazine though it seemed more Shogi than Go-orientated. He took a break, eating a quick lunch in the cafeteria before heading up again. Then he took out his new drawing utensils before taking a hold of Sai's hand. It took him almost half an hour before he managed to even start drawing, though. Immortalising Sai as he was right then was just… hard.

But eventually he did, carefully capturing everything he could see from the hollowed cheeks to the shadow under Sai's eyes to the respirator's tube leading to his nose. For such a painful drawing it didn't take very long for him to finish so he started another one, this time capturing Sai's hand - and his own clasping it.

 _I'm used to drawing him as his usual perfect self. Drawing him like this is sorta difficult,_ he mused while detailing the too long fingernails and then thinness between the joints of Sai's long fingers. "It's just weird for you to have fingernails this long," he hummed to the man, raising the hand in his and examining the nails. Someone had been clipping them every now and then, but they were already pretty long. "You always had nails worn short by Go stones."

Glancing at his own fingers he grinned. The top of his right forefinger's nail was clearly worn, there were even a few scrapes in it. "Not very athletic, this game of ours…" he mused quietly, turning his attention to Sai's hand again. Just then the fingers in the hand twitched before gripping his own weakly.

Sharply looking up Hikaru could see Sai's eyes moving underneath his eyelids just before they slowly opened. Holding his breath Hikaru waited. Last time Sai had opened his eyes there had been no awareness or sight in them as if he was sleeping while blinking. It had been darn creepy, but normal according to Tanaka. It had made Hikaru crave for Sai to actually be able to see him though.

"Sai?" Hikaru asked softly as the man's eyes wandered aimlessly. "Sai, are you awake?" The eyes shifted in his direction, closed and then looked right at him. The boy leaned forward, tightening his hold on the man's hand. "Sai?" he questioned carefully.

Hikaru's heart almost burst when the man's dry lips twitched into a brief smile. Grinning widely the boy held the man's hand between his own hands. "Hey there," he spoke softly. "I bet you aren't feeling very well. You're a bit sick, but you're going to get better so don't worry about that. Do you know where we are?"

Sai looked around tiredly and made a move that Hikaru understood as an attempt to shake his head. "We're in a hospital in Kyoto," the boy answered. "What's the last thing you remember?" he asked. When the man's eyebrows twitched something close to a frown, he elaborated. "Do you remember my room? And how you told me that I would paint and play Go? And how you…"

Hikaru trailed away at the sad look in the man's eyes and slightest nod the man gave. "You remember, good. You left me after that, but just a moment afterwards I got a phone call from a doctor who works here. She said that there was a man here who looks like you, who had been in a coma for two years," the boy smiled encouragingly as Sai looked at him confusedly. "I came here immediately after, and I found you."

He moved closer to the man, not wanting Mrs. Yoshida to over hear the words. "We wished that god would give you a body of your own. And he did," he chuckled painfully. "It's not perfect, it's been laying here motionless for a while, but with exercise you will get better. You'll be able to move and talk and walk… everything."

As Sai looked up at him with eyes wide with shock and disbelief, Hikaru smiled gently, freeing one of his hands to brush it through the stray lock of the man's hair. "I'm not lying," he promised. "You're alive, Sai. You're alive. And soon you can hold Go stones in your own hands, place them on the Goban by yourself…" he smiled, his sight a bit blurry. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Sai?"

The man blinked with confusion and frowned just slightly, turning his eyes away. Then with a quiet sigh he closed them. At first Hikaru thought that he was just resting them but as the confused expression faded from the thin face, the boy realised that the man had fallen under again.

Hikaru sighed before leaning back. "Sleep well, Sai," he murmured, brushing his hand over his eyes while holding Sai's hand in his other. "Regain your strength. I'll stay here, I'll watch over you." _And hopefully I will be there when you wake up the next time._

 

**IV chapter**

**Trying to Breathe**

 

It felt like he was floating in dark water just beneath the surface. He tried to break free from the water and get out of it, to breath and see and hear again, but the water was so very heavy… he couldn't even move in it. But he kept trying and trying because he didn't want to sink further, he didn't want to drown anymore.

Sometimes he got just close enough to sense something. He could hear a soft, familiar voice speaking of things that mattered and didn't, about Go and paintings and people he had met but never spoken to, of games he had played and never gotten the credit for. Usually the voice was accompanied by a sensation of warmth, of being held, of someone gently cradling his hand in theirs. Hikaru.

But when he tried to speak back or squeeze the hand in his, it all seemed to fade away again and the dark depth took him again. And every time Sai was so scared of it because he felt like he was fading away and he didn't know how to stop it, didn't know if he could get back to the surface again. It felt like the dark waters wanted to take him away for ever and he would never be able to get back.

_Hikaru… Hikaru is waiting for me. I can't leave._

All the while he was constantly reminded of that excruciating hour back a millennia ago. He remembered the loneliness of that river side and how a late night's bird had been signing a sorrowful tune. There had been a wind, a soft breeze brushing through the reeds of the river bank. The water had been cold but not freezing as it had seeped through his clothing and straight to his skin.

He had stood in the water for an hour, taking careful steps forward and then hesitating steps backwards. Despite everything, he hadn't wanted to die back then. He had wanted to live and continue to play Go. Forever and ever… but he had still taken more steps forward than backwards because it had _hurt_ so much to be denied like he had been, banished and banned, his new horrible reputation spreaded to all the houses of the nobles so that he could never again respectfully teach…

_I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't…_

The waters had felt cold but gentle then. There had been barely any currents in the river and the hold of the river had been like a cool, calming embrace. He had felt strangely comforted by it, when he had been chin deep in the water and one breath away from sinking under the surface. And he had, with a relief he had given into the depth. It had felt wonderfully, horrifyingly soothing, the end…

The lonely centuries that had followed had been much more painful. Even after his spirit had taken hold of a Goban and from it watched the games played on it, he had been in pain. So close yet so, so far… and for so long. Torajiro had given him a chance to play again and he had been so grateful back then, but now…

 _Hikaru_.

He had been wrong to enjoy the boy's devotion, but he hadn't been able to help himself. It had felt like sunlight after being in shadows for longer than he cared to remember. After all the cold years in the neutral, indiffered Goban no one dared to play with because they could just barely sense Sai's presence, he had forgotten gentleness… and then Hikaru had reached for him. Hikaru had taken him under his protection and care and then the boy had given him everything he had dreamed of.

Go… so much of it that he became weary of it. But at a horrible price.

_Hikaru shouldn't have…_

But Sai could understand the why behind Hikaru's actions. It was as flattering as it was horrible; to have someone care for him so much that their heart would break so badly at his departure… to know that this person truly couldn't live properly without him. Sai could remember how in all ages and times, such devotion was praised and hallowed… but to him it felt painful. It wasn't like he didn't enjoy Hikaru's presence and the boy's affection. He did, selfishly he enjoyed every moment of it even when it hurt but still… it was too much for Hikaru.

_I never truly understood the horrible power love can have, not before meeting Hikaru._

The surface came closer again. Sai tried to arch up to meet it, to breach through it - to _breathe_ \- and he could hear a voice again. "…new flowers. The ones I brought before died pretty quickly, sorry about that. I didn't look after them properly, I guess," the familiar voice spoke gently. "I brought different ones this time. Sunflowers. To get some variety, you know? And to cheer this gloomy place up a bit. Oh, I need to get some water for these. I'll be right back."

"Here we go. That doesn't look half bad, hm? Yeah, not bad," Sai could feel a hand taking hold of his own, warm fingers sliding amongst his. "I bought a book today; it's about the Golden Era of Go. You probably know most of these games pretty well, but I don't. Hope you don't mind if I go over some of these…" there was a pause before Hikaru started to read from the book, starting with ab introduction that explained what the Golden Era of Go was.

Sai smiled. He remembered that time even thought it had been so long ago, and somehow hearing Hikaru read about it made it seem closer. He had many fond memories from that time, looking back to them was nice, but right then that wasn't what he wanted.

As Hikaru spoke of people Sai had once seen and played against, Sai himself struggled to open his eyes. Hikaru was so close by, if only he could get his eyes open he would see him… but his eyelids felt so heavy. The depth was calling him again, telling him to give up and surrender, but he wouldn't, not when he was this close.

Finally light breached the darkness. Sai almost shut his eyes again to block the light out, it was too bright, but he fought the urge off. Now that his eyes were open, he was in no hurry to close them again. Instead he looked around to see a white room and curtains hanging next to him. And on his other side there was the familiar shape of Hikaru, who had a book in his lap.

"Hikaru," Sai spoke, or at least tried to. It came out as an airy whisper and barely with enough strength to be anything but a breath. It still made Hikaru snap his eyes up immediately and when he saw the boy's deep green eyes, Sai knew that he was finally awake. "Hey," he whispered, his mouth too dry and too weak to speak the word properly but it still seemed that Hikaru understood it well enough.

Hikaru seemed to force himself to overcome his shock. "Hello, Sai," the boy smiled at him widely, closing the book and shifting closer. As his fingers came to brush over Sai's forehead, the man almost closed his eyes again. The touch was strangely comforting and familiar - Hikaru had been doing it often, it seemed. "How are you feeling?"

Sai thought about it and decided that Hikaru probably didn't mean emotionally. But how else could he mean it? Unless… unless that time when he had heard Hikaru whisper the words, "you're alive, Sai" hadn't been an illusion. But how could that be? He had been dead for a thousand of years, how could it…

Unconsciously trying to draw a deeper breath, Sai coughed softly. There was something blocking his nose and he couldn't breathe properly. He must've scrunched his nose or done something similar, because Hikaru chuckled, taking hold of Sai's hand and gently lifting it to his face, directing the slack fingertips to feel the area around his mouth Something was there, covering his mouth and nose. "It's the oxygen mask," the boy explained softly while lowering the man's hand again. "It's been helping you breathe. Don't worry about it."

 _To actually need to breathe? It has been so long,_ Sai mused tiredly but accepted Hikaru's explanation. Then he looked up at the boy again. "How…?"

"How you are here, like this?" Hikaru asked and Sai nodded his head - or at least tried to. "I don't know. Best explanation I've came up with is that God likes you a lot," the boy chuckled, rubbing his fingers gently. "Maybe this was what was meant to happen from the beginning, from the moment I returned to the… you know. Maybe it was all planned."

Sai looked at him thoughtfully and then nodded. It wouldn't have made much sense for Hikaru to be allowed to return to the past unless there was something more to it. But this? This was a gift he had not dared to pray for. _Though I have to wonder if this was an answer to my prayers or to those of Hikaru. I only wished to keep playing more Go, and that was granted a thousand years ago when I was allowed to remain as a spirit. Hikaru wished to return back in time and then he wished a body for me - and both his wishes were granted… I think God might like him more than me._

"So, how are you feeling?" Hikaru asked after a moment, a worried look on his face. He seemed to steel himself before asking: "Are you hurting?"

Sai turned his eyes to him and smiled. Of course Hikaru would worry about that. But, now that he thought about it, he didn't feel too good. There was no overwhelming pain but he didn't feel exactly comfortable. It felt like his body was made of lead and he was sinking through the surface he was laying on. His head ached and his limbs felt awkward. But, of course, he wouldn't say that to Hikaru and make him worry even more.

"I'm fine," he said softly. Hikaru didn't seem to believe so he added: "Heavy. Tired."

"I guess that's normal," the boy murmured sadly. "But you'll get better. Doctor Tanaka says that once you can stay awake for longer, you can start doing some small muscle exercises. Nothing much, just trying to move your hands and stuff… and the more you will do them, the stronger you will get and with that you can stay awake longer."

Remembering the times he had heard Hikaru's voice speak of exercising, Sai nodded. If his body had been motionless for over two years, it was natural that it wouldn't work properly and needed to be reshaped to fitness. That thought however, raised a worry Sai hadn't considered before.

"This… body," he frowned slightly, looking up at Hikaru. "Is it… mine?"

Hikaru blinked with surprise. "You look like you," he said then, reaching out and touching the man's cheek. "Thinner and paler, but you still look like you. And then there is this," he picked something up from beside Sai's head and lifted it up. It was his hair, tied in a strange pattern. "Your million mile hair," the boy grinned. "And finally, there's that."

Following Hikaru's pointing with his eyes, Sai's gaze encountered a familiar sight. As he took in the clothing he had worn for a thousand years, now carefully arranged on a stand, the man's worries faded somewhat.

"So no need to worry. It's you," Hikaru said, leaning forward. "This body was even found the same day I returned and met you, so… who else could it be?"

Sai smiled and nodded with understanding. _Yes, Hikaru wouldn't be so certain if there was slightest doubt. It is my body,_ he thought with relief. _Though I cannot understand how that could be… my body was lost in the waters…_

With that thought, he could feel the darkness creeping closer again, the surface raising and threatening to take him again. His body was starting to feel even heavier than before and he had no hope of fighting the darkness. _No, I don't want to… not again!_ He thought with desperation as his eyelids started to fall again to cover his eyes.

"Sleep well, Sai," Hikaru's whispered words were the last he heard before everything faded away.

_No, Hikaru, I don't want to sleep… Hikaru…_

 

-

 

When Sai woke up the next time, Hikaru wasn't there. The boy's absence was the first thing the man registered, even before opening his eyes and looking around. It wasn't just the lack of the hand holding his or the voice softly speaking and filling the silence, but the presence… Hikaru's warmth wasn't there.

Already as he struggled to look around, he felt alone and somehow empty. The room was as brightly lit as before and this time he found that it was because he was lying near a window and it was daytime outside. He also found that there were several beds in the room, one of them occupied by an elderly woman who was sleeping. The beeping sound, which he hadn't even registered before, was coming from a device standing next to his bed. On the other side, there was a table with a vase full of flowers.

 _Hikaru brought those,_ Sai thought, remembering the snippets of conversation from before. He smiled softly while gazing at the flowers. They were strange big and bulky with black middle and yellow petals, but though they were rather foreign they held a strange beauty. _And how like Hikaru, to choose yellow flowers._ _I must thank him when he returns…_

Hearing the door opening and closing, Sai turned his eyes towards it, expecting to see Hikaru. But it wasn't. Instead a woman in white clothing had stepped inside. She looked over the sleeping elder woman briefly before turning her attention to Sai - and then her eyes widened.

"You're awake," the woman spoke with surprise, quickly making her way over to him. "When did you wake up, Mr. Fujiwara?"

 _What…?  This woman… she can see me?_ Sai asked worriedly, frowning a little as the woman leaned closer with what looked like a pen - and then pointed a bight light into his eye. She pulled it away when Sai made a sound of surprise.

"Oh, it seems like you're aware too," the woman seemed even more surprised. "Can you speak, Mr. Fujiwara?"

Sai swallowed, giving the weird woman a frown, still confused about how she could see him and talk to him so casually. "Hikaru," he spoke slowly with parched voice. "Where…?"

"Mr. Shindo hasn't arrived yet," the woman said, glancing at her wrist where she seemed to have a watch. "He should be here any minute, though. He's usually rather early," she chuckled. "You have one loyal friend in that one; ever since he found out about you it's been a pain keeping him away from you, really."

Hesitantly Sai cracked a small smile at that. _I know he's… loyal in his own backward way,_ he thought while relaxing slightly against the softness of the bed underneath him. _And I should feel guilty, but…_ knowing that Hikaru was there often, that he didn't want to go away and that he would be there soon… it was comforting. And relieving considering the situation.

"So, how are you feeling?" the woman asked, taking another pen - this one an actual pen without the light in it. She clicked it and settled it over a clipboard, ready to write. "Any aches or pains?"

Sai frowned, wondering about the question. The fact that the woman could see him and that she was inquiring about his health was confusing him. But that was nothing compared to the confusion caused by the realisation that he could actually feel his body. The heaviness and stiffness, the dull aching of his bead and the discomfort around his shoulders… they were so familiar sensations and in the same time so new.

"Mr. Fujiwara?" the woman asked again, snapping Sai out of his musings. She was frowning worriedly again. "Try stay awake, alright? At this point more rest won't do you much good. Try and concentrate - and tell me how are you feeling."

The man gave her a helpless look. He didn't know how to answer really. Why was the woman even asking? "Who…" Sai tried to ask but at that moment the last moistness vanished from his throat, taking his voice with it. Trying to swallow only made it worse.

"Hang on I'll get you some water," the woman quickly said and turned away. As Sai tried to lift his hand up to touch his now dully aching throat, the woman walked across the room and then out of it. The man hadn't managed more than a twitch in his attempt to move before the woman returned with a pitcher and glass.

Sai wasn't certain if he was embarrassed or not when the woman helped him take a small sip of the water. Most of it seemed to pour down his chin much to his horror, but the woman didn't seem to mind - she didn't even seem surprised. In the end the man was too confused and too tired to wonder about it - and the blessedly cool and pure water, that seemed to ease his throat like nothing ever had, was certainly worth the embarrassment.

The woman helped him to take few more small sips before lowering the glass and taking a towel. With practiced ease she cleaned Sai's chin and chest of the water that had been spilled before putting the towel aside. "There, that should be better," she said.

"T-thank you," Sai said carefully, delighted to find that his voice wasn't as raspy as before. Then he eyed the woman curiously. "Who are you?" he asked. "If… if you don't… mind me asking."

"Tanaka Masami. I'm your doctor, I've been taking care of you while you've been staying here," the woman gave him a brief smile and then took her clipboard again. "Of course you have been unaware through most of that, but now that you are alert I think we'll finally be able to help you to full health again. Now. How are you feeling?"

Before the slightly worried Sai could muster any sort of answer to that, the door to the room was opened. The man almost sagged with relief at the sight of a familiar face. "Hikaru," he spoke and couldn't help but feel warmth at the shock and then joy that appeared on his young friend's face.

"Sai you're awake!" the boy said, quickly making his way through the room. "Good morning, Doctor Tanaka," he said to the woman before sitting beside Sai's bed and automatically reaching for his hand. "How long have you been awake?" he directed the question at Sai.

"No more than few minutes," Tanaka answered for him with a slight smile. "He even managed a few sips of water, so it's obvious that he's getting stronger."

"That's great!" Hikaru grinned at Sai who, despite being rather confused about the situation couldn't help but smile in return. "You'll be up and about in no time, I bet," the boy continued before looking at the woman. "How is he otherwise?"

"I was just asking about that," the woman said with slight amusement before looking at Sai. "You don't mind Mr. Shindo's presence while you answer my questions, do you, Mr. Fujiwara?"

Sai's hand enclosed around Hikaru's almost immediately. "I prefer… that he's here," he said, gaining a grin from Hikaru who squeezed his hand again.

"Alright then," Tanaka nodded and then started asking questions about Sai's health.

It was still confusing for the man, but with Hikaru there it was easier to answer. The boy gave some encouraging nods here and there and helped him find words when ever he wasn't sure how to word something. It had been so long since he had been physical that talking about how being physical felt was more than difficult for him. At times it even felt somehow wrong for him to have a body, but a squeeze of Hikaru's hand assured him that it was definitely a good thing.

"I think you are strong enough to start taking some stimulants," the woman murmured after making her notes. "Nothing serious, just something that will help you stay awake more than a few moments at a time and regain your strength. Once you can stay alert for long enough, we can begin your physical therapy with some simple exercises."

Sai threw a confused look at Hikaru.

"In short, we will start nursing you back to health," the boy said simply, reaching out to flick a stray black lock of hair from the man's eyes. "Don't worry about it; I'll be here the whole time."

Sai nodded though he still felt slightly put-out by the whole thing.

To his relief, Tanaka seemed to be done with the questions, as she stood up and gathered her things. "I'll leave you two be," she said and looked at Hikaru. "You know where I'll be if you need me."

Hikaru nodded and the woman left them alone.

"Hikaru?" Sai asked once she was gone. "What are… stimulants?"

"They're drugs. Medicine. I think the ones she's talking about will, well, cheer you up. Make you more awake for a while," Hikaru said while shifting out of his chair and sitting on the edge of the bed instead. "You must be sick of lying down already. Here, I'll help you sit up…" he then said, releasing the man's hand. Then he carefully pulled Sai up from the bed and into a sitting position.

Too surprised and too distracted by the sheer solidness of his own being, Sai didn't even notice that Hikaru arranged the pillows behind him until the boy carefully eased him back down. This time he was left leaning against the pillows. Blinking with surprise, Sai looked around. The room looked much different from this angle - and he could even see out of the window.

"There, that should be better," Hikaru grinned, shifting back to sit on the chair.

"Thank you," Sai nodded, still feeling a bit bewildered. "H-how long have I… been here?"

"Your body had been here all together two and half years," Hikaru said quietly, throwing a glance towards the other bed where the elderly woman was still sleeping. "But it's been about two weeks since the day in Tokyo when you… faded."

"Two weeks," Sai murmured, looking at the boy thoughtfully. "You've been here… the whole time?"

"Yes," Hikaru nodded sternly. "Well, I have to go away to sleep at a hotel, but every moment they let me be here… I'm here."

Sai smiled, both happy and guilty to hear it. Then he remembered something that made him frown. "Our… oteai game?"

"Loss by default. I took a leave after that, so that we don't lose more games," Hikaru shifted uncomfortably. "Though I don't know how we'll continue with that, it's not like you can play through me anymore," he muttered before shaking his head. "But we shouldn't think about that sort of stuff now. Getting you back to shape is more important."

 _I can't play through him anymore,_ Sai thought and looked down to his hand which Hikaru had once more grasped in his own. _But I can… maybe I can play. With my own hands. To feel the Go stones in my hand, oh how I've wished…_ "Go is important," he said.

" _You're_ important," Hikaru answered sternly. "So no Go before you're better."

"Hikaruu…" Sai whined softly, not liking the idea of being denied Go now that he had hands. His very own hands! However, the thought trailed away when he saw the smile and heard the relieved sigh he got in return. "Hikaru?" he asked worriedly.

"You don't even know how happy I'm to see you this alert," the boy murmured, squeezing his hand once more before sliding his fingers amidst Sai's thinner ones. "I've missed you, Sai. It's good to have you back."

All thoughts about Go fading away for a moment, Sai returned the smile. "It's good to be back."

 

**V chapter**

**Taking Small Steps**

 

 _Now that Sai is awake, things are…better. But they are also more difficult,_ Hikaru mused, rubbing the back of Sai's palm with his thumb while they watched how a nurse prepared Sai's mockery of 'food'. He had watched feedings before, he knew the procedure and understood why it was important, but this was the first time Sai was awake for it.

"A human can't survive by being nourished intravenously, especially not for as long a time as Mr. Fujiwara has been in coma," Doctor Tanaka had explained the first time Hikaru had watched the procedure, back when Sai had been still mostly unresponsive. "Such a long time without proper nourishment wouldn't only task his general physique but his digestive system. It needs to be fed or it will collapse. Hence, tube feeding."

During Sai's coma, he had been fed via tube. As he had needed a respirator, the tube couldn't have been inserted nasally, thus it was a gastric tube - one that went in through the abdomen and into the stomach. The first time Hikaru had seen it he had been horrified, but that was only until Tanaka had explained the importance - and the fact that tube neither caused pain nor did any damage.

"Alright," the nurse finally spoke as she had managed to set up the bag in which the mockery of food was. It was liquid with everything Sai's body needed, vitamins, minerals, proteins, etcetera. It looked disgusting. Hikaru knew it couldn't taste good - it looked rather like vomit that had been put through blender a few times - but that wasn't needed as Sai never needed to actually eat it.

"It's alright," Hikaru mumbled when Sai gripped his hand tightly. With a sympathetic smile, the nurse opened the top of Sai's pyjamas to reveal the end of the tube in the man's stomach. Despite all the time seeing it, Hikaru still wasn't used to how thin Sai was. The bony chest and the hollow stomach… they didn't fit Sai at all. And the tube that just protruded out of the pale skin… it was rather creepy.

Sai didn't say anything, but he was obviously nervous. He winced slightly as the nurse attached the tube of the nutrient solution bag into tube that more or less came out of Sai's stomach, but that was about it. Then he watched how the liquid started to drift down from the bag. Soon the food reached the point where it went inside his body. "I don't feel anything," Sai said finally, sounding a bit confused

"It's natural. Your system is so adjusted to the tube that only way for you to feel it would be if the solution was a different temperature than you are, but we warm it up a bit so that it's body temperature," the nurse said, checking the solution before straightening her back. "We're going to try and ease you off the tube feeding as soon as possible, but it will probably take time as you are used to liquid foods."

Hikaru nodded thoughtfully. "Doctor Tanaka said that once Sai can finally eat normally, he needs to follow a strict schedule," he said. "Why is that?"

"Because it's unlikely that he has hunger reactions anymore," the woman shrugged and looked at Sai who seemed confused. "Your body has stopped recognising when it's hungry and in need of food. Your digestion system needs a bit of coaxing before it will work properly. But not to worry, we know exactly what to do to get you back to a hundred percent."

The woman glanced towards the door. "Now, it will take some time before the bag empties. I have other duties in the meanwhile - I'll return in thirty minutes to take the bag and flush the tube."

Hikaru nodded and watched her leave. In the bed Sai sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "I don't like this," he mumbled. "This is not normal."

The teen chuckled softly at the words. "I know it's probably even weirder for you than it is for me," he said while reaching out to tug Sai's pyjama top shut, careful not to disturb the tubes. "But for now it's necessary. It won't last long, though, so don't worry about it."

The man sighed again, swallowing. "I have a tube… that goes into my stomach… through my skin," he muttered. "It's not right."

"But it keeps you kicking, for now," Hikaru smiled, reaching out to brush a stray lock of dark hair from the man's forehead. "Do you… do you want to play?" he asked carefully, nodding toward the small magnetic Go board sitting on the bedside table. _It should take his mind off the tube._ "I can move the pins for you," he said, as Sai couldn't yet move his hands enough to do it himself.

"Yes… yes, alright," the man sighed and quickly Hikaru set the little metallic board on the bed beside Sai in way the man could see it. "You take the black," Sai added, closing his eyes. "And… if you don't mind… I think I'll play blindfolded."

Hikaru winced. Sai very rarely offered it because usually Hikaru demanded nigiri - as it never really mattered if he had white or black, he'd still probably lose. But when Sai offered black to him before he could even ask for nigiri, it meant that he was about to get his ass kicked. _Blindfolded too,_ Hikaru mused, glancing up. _Well, that should distract him from the tube, though I think he's trying to distract himself from the Go rather than from the tube._

While announcing his first hand and placing a small black magnet into the metallic board, Hikaru mused what a disappointment it must've been for Sai, to wake up in a body only to find soon after that he couldn't even move it. Go was now within Sai's reach like it hadn't been for a thousand years - for the first time since his death, he actually had the chance to hold the Go stones by himself and only for himself… except he couldn't even lift his hands yet. Even moving the tiny magnets was beyond his capability.

 _And his first game while he is alive again… was on this pathetic thing too,_ Hikaru thought while placing a white pin where Sai wanted it to be placed. _He should be playing with a magnificent kaya board and with real stones in celebration, not like this…_ but it couldn't be helped, it wasn't possible just yet. _I need to make sure that once he is able to move around freely, we will properly celebrate,_ Hikaru decided and concentrated on the game.

They were still playing after the nutrition solution bag had emptied and the nurse returned to take it off and flush the feeding tube. Sai kept his eyes determinately shut and just announced another move to Hikaru who placed it hurriedly down on the board. He didn't even wince but there was a strained look about his face.

"Alright, I'm done," the nurse said, closing Sai's pyjamas gently and pulling the blanket to cover him. Then she stood up, gathering the instruments into her hands. "I'll leave you two be."

"Thank you," Hikaru nodded to her and then glanced at the other beds in the room. "Where is Mrs. Yoshida, by the way?" the old woman hadn't been there at all that morning, but her things were still around her bed.

"She had an after operation check up with Doctor Kurosawa, and after that she has been in physical therapy. If it goes well, she will be released later today," the nurse said to Hikaru before nodding to Sai and then leaving.

"I see," Hikaru muttered and turned to the game he and Sai had been playing. It was still quite unfinished but he could already see just how badly he would be losing in a dozen or so moves. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" he then asked, looking up at Sai's face.

"Disconcerting," the man said, opening his eyes. "But I guess I have had worse experiences. Although… just how many times in a day will I have to go through that?"

"At least three. Morning, afternoon and evening, you know, usual meal times," Hikaru shrugged. "But it's like she said, they're going to start easing you into the normal way of eating as soon as it's possible."

The man nodded his head slightly and swallowed. "Could you…" he trailed away, glancing at the water pitcher on the bedside table, beside the wilting sunflowers. Without bothering to answer, Hikaru moved to help the other into a sitting position before poured some water into a glass. Then, adding a straw into the glass, he carefully helped Sai to take a drink of the water. It was relieving that Sai had picked up the use of straws quickly - less spilling.

"Thank you," Sai said once he had had enough. He coughed softly and closed his eyes for a moment while Hikaru placed the glass back on the table. "I'm sorry," the man then said.

"For what?" Hikaru asked with confusion.

"For being so helpless. For being a… a burden," the man sighed, looking down at his weak body with dismay. "I never considered that… that it would be like this. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," the teen answered sternly. "Things are finally looking up for you and me. It might take a while before you get on your feet properly but this is _good_ for us. It's may not be easy but… what in life is?" he sighed at the frown on the man's face. "We've gone through worse," he said. "You especially. This is just a… a little hindrance. A bump on the road."

The man chuckled mirthlessly. "I suppose so," he said, looking at him and smiling. "I still feel guilty. Your school, your Go… you put them all into a halt to be here. I never meant to chain you like this."

"You _haven't_. I'm here _willingly_ \- and you can't get rid of me. Nor can you make me regret it. So just stop," Hikaru answered calmly, turning to the magnetic Goban and placing a black magnet down, announcing his move out loud. "Your turn."

Sai announced his move without even looking down and instead looked around. Hikaru noticed that for a long while his eyes lingered on the display stand where his old clothes were. "Was my fan found?" he asked, raking his eyes up and down the kariginu. "I don't see it."

"Oh, the fan?" Hikaru winced slightly and quickly took out the fan from the drawer of the bedside table. He showed it to Sai. "I'm sorry, but it was ruined by the water. Your earrings are here too, but I think it's better that we wait until you're released before you put them back on…" he trailed away as Sai stared at the fan. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

"It's not your fault," Sai murmured his hand twitching slightly in the sheets where it was resting. Quickly Hikaru took his hand and placed the fan into it. "It's really ruined," the man murmured sadly.

"I'll get you a new one, if you want one," Hikaru suggested.

The man smiled but wasn't cheered up. "This one," he said, his fingers weakly tracing the wrinkled paper of the fan, "was a gift from my uncle. He gave it to me when I left the shrine, when I headed back to the capital. I always thought that it was his way of saying that I was ready for… for whatever was waiting for me…."

Hikaru frowned. "I didn't know," he said softly.

"It's alright," Sai sighed. "It is a pity, though. I have had this fan for a very long time. I never though I'd ever be unable to use it."

Hikaru nodded slowly. It wasn't like he had ever seen Sai use the fan like fans usually were used - though as he had been a spirit back then, he wouldn't have had the need either. But it was impossible to imagine Sai without the fan. Often Sai had expressed his feelings with the fan - or used it in attempt to hide them. Yet the knowledge that the fan had been a gift from Sai's uncle… it made it different.

 _I'll get him a new one, even if he won't use it. And maybe see if anything can be done for this one,_ Hikaru thought, eying the fan in Sai's slack fingers. _It looks bad but maybe it can still be repaired._

"How about the earrings?" the teen asked, turning his eyes to the magnetic Goban again. "How did you get those? Were they a gift too?"

"No, they weren't. I bought them from a travelling merchant not much after I had gained the position of a Go tutor in the palace," Sai chuckled. "I am still quite fond of them."

"We'll just make sure that we don't lose them, then," Hikaru said, relishing the knowledge that he knew two more things about Sai he hadn't known before. Making a mental note to draw the earrings when they weren't in Sai's ears and the fan as well maybe, Hikaru made his move on the magnetic Goban. "Your move."

Sai smiled and spoke the coordinates without even looking at the board. "Hikaru?" he asked. "Would you… cut my nails?" he asked, dragging his forefinger along the edge of the fan, his nail scraping against the ruined paper. "They've gotten long."

Hikaru smiled. "I'll cut them but I want you to do something in return."

The man raised his eyebrows with confusion. "And that is…?"

"Cheer up a little. Seeing you angst is making me depressed."

Immediately Sai pouted, making Hikaru grin with relief.

 

-

 

That evening it was harder than ever to leave Sai's side - the man was still awake when Doctor Tanaka told Hikaru that he should head to the hotel. Hikaru managed to drag the eventual departing as long as he could, before he finally, after squeezing Sai's hands in farewell, forced himself to leave. It had been much easier to do that when he had known that Sai would most likely be unaware of anything.

Sighing heavily as he stepped out of the hospital building, Hikaru glanced up. Though it had been great to see Sai awake like he had been, the day… hadn't been all that different from the ones before. He had expected a change, he had expected it to be… different somehow. _I guess I thought that the world that seemed to grow still when Sai was in a coma to burst into motion again… but it didn't._

It was still slow and it would continue to move on slowly, Sai's progress. Even though he was awake and with stimulants would from now on be awake everyday - or so the doctors hoped anyway - Sai was still weak. It would take days before he would be able to move his hands at all, weeks before he could lift anything even remotely heavy, months before he would be able to walk. Slow process either way.

 _Well, at least he's awake now,_ Hikaru thought while pulling out his cell phone from the pocket of his jeans. He flipped it open and turned the power on. After a moment of waiting the phone informed him that he had two voice messages waiting. One from home. Another from Ogata.

 _Well, it's not like anyone else would call me,_ Hikaru mused before starting to listen the message from his home number. It was from his mother.

"Hikaru, Mr. Nagano called us today. You haven't let him know where you went and why, have you? He was worried, wondering if you had stopped painting. I let him know where you are and gave him your new phone number, I hope that is alright," she said, paused for a moment and then continued. "Your father and I are worried. The summer holidays will start soon and you haven't been at school for days! When are you going to come home?" another pause. "Call us when you turn your phone on."

Hikaru sighed and lowered the phone as the message ended. He knew he was making them worried but he couldn't help it. Sai was more important than school - and honestly, he had no need for school anyway. He was going to make his living by Go and if not that, then he could make it by art. He didn't need an education.

That made him wonder about Sai. Didn't even have grade school records not to mention about high school or anything like that. He didn't have any sort of birth certificate, no real identification… _That is going to be a problem in the long run unless we think of something,_ the teen mused before hitting Ogata's message. It was short and to the point.

"I thought you were going to keep me informed," the man's voice sounded annoyed and Hikaru had a feeling that he had been calling during a break while at the Go Association. He was usually most annoyed then. "Something must have happened already," the man said after a moment. "Call me," he then ordered and with that the message ended.

 _What a demanding man,_ Hikaru mused with a snort and shook his head. It was incredible how before that tone of voice from Ogata would've made him half scared but now it just made him amused. _I might as well call him right now. It might help me relax before I call home and will have to listen how school is important…_

After dialling the number Hikaru lifted the phone to his ear, watching how the cars passed him by as he walked slowly towards his hotel. He heard the dialling tone three times before Ogata picked the phone up. "Shindo," was the man's way of greeting him. From the background noise Hikaru could tell that he was probably driving.

"I don't think that's a proper way of answering the phone," Hikaru said with a spark of mirth. "If you keep it up people will start thinking you've changed your name or something."

"Very funny," the man answered flatly. "Any change?" he then asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, there's change," Hikaru said, glancing over his shoulder back to the direction where the hospital was. "He woke up. Well, Sai was awake for a while before too, but today he was awake for the whole day."

"That's great," Ogata said, sounding honestly glad. "Does this mean that you'll be returning anytime soon?"

"Aah… no, probably not," Hikaru sighed, scratching the back of his head and wondering how to put the situation. Ogata didn't know Sai had been in coma for two and half years and Hikaru had no intention of ever letting him know if he could prevent it. That would clash with the existence of internet _sai_ quite badly. "There's a bit of… complication."

"Complication? What sort of complication?"

"Well, Sai is going to get better eventually, he'll be able to walk and stuff, but… he can't right now, he can't even move his arms," Hikaru sighed. _Maybe I'll just say that Sai's been in hospital for two and half years. That could be anything, long term illness for one. There can be other reasons for this sort of thing than long term coma… I'll say it if he asks._ "And he probably won't be able to walk and stuff for a while," he continued with a shrug.

"I see. So he will remain in the hospital for a while even though he is awake…" Ogata trailed away and was quiet for a moment. By the sound Hikaru could tell that he was dragging a breath through a cigarette. "And you won't return to Tokyo before… what are you actually waiting for?" he asked curiously.

Hikaru didn't answer for a moment as he wasn't really sure what the answer was. Was he waiting for Sai to heal? For him to grow stronger? No… "For the time when he can come with me to Tokyo," he answered finally, and could hear how Ogata suddenly bursted into a coughing fit on the other end. Hikaru waited until he quieted down and said, "I won't leave Kyoto without him."

"He's going to come _here_?" the elder pro asked with shock. "To Tokyo? Really? Can I… can I meet him when you come?"

Hikaru laughed. "I think so. I think he'd like to meet you too," he said amusedly. "But not yet, not for a while. He's still weak, he needs time."

"I'll wait as long as I have to. You know that," Ogata almost snapped at him. "You nearly made me choke to death," he then muttered. "Don't say things like that when my lungs are full of smoke."

"Well, how was I supposed to know?" Hikaru laughed. "That's what you get for being a smoker, Master Ogata. Maybe you should quit."

"Over my dead body."

"Yeah probably," the teen agreed with a laugh. Imagining Ogata without a cancer stick was like Sai without a fan or Toya without a ridiculous hair cut. Impossible. "So, how's the Go world doing without me?"

"Despite all your beliefs, it doesn't revolve around you, Shindo," the man snorted. "I think it's doing well enough, but nothing really changes in our world. Akira is going to be a third-dan soon - he might already be but I'm not sure, I don't exactly keep up with his schedule."

"That's great," Hikaru murmured, feeling a bit melancholy. Toya was going to be higher level again - without ever knowing that it was a familiar occurrence for Hikaru. That time, though, Hikaru had never made it past first-dan. "Though at this rate, he'll be a ninth-dan before he turns eighteen."

"Who knows. He's leaving you behind, though. You'll have some work to do before you can catch up to him."

"That's nothing new, I've been chasing after stronger players all the time I've been playing Go…" Hikaru mused and then frowned. He could return to the Go world without any problem… well, aside from the radical change of playing style… but what about Sai? It wasn't like Sai could sit behind him, pointing the moves out to him anymore.

Quickly he shook the thought out of his head. He and Sai could settle that later.

"How is Toya Me… _Master_ Toya doing?" Hikaru wanted to know. Despite the fact that it had been a while ago, he still couldn't quite get adjusted to the idea that the Meijin had retired. He hadn't seen the man in Go weekly lately either, which too was hard to get adjusted to. Before, no Go Weekly had come out without at least one article on the Meijin. Former Meijin.

"Playing a lot, as far as I can tell. Most of the higher-dans he has played during his career have been visiting him often at his home. He is also planning on taking part in some amateur tournaments in China and Korea…" Ogata trailed away.

"Amateur. Toya the former Meijin, an amateur. That'll take some getting used to," Hikaru mumbled. It was good to know that the Meijin was doing well - he could tell that to Sai later on. It was bound to cheer the man up a bit to know that his rival was still playing despite the retirement.

"I know," the elder pro answered in heartfelt tone. "He seems to be enjoying the retirement though. Not only is he playing more than before but he doesn't have to follow schedules. I think it's doing for him good, but still… it just seems a waste at times. Compared to Kuwabara, Master Toya is too young to quit."

Hikaru snorted without being able to help himself. "Compared to Kuwabara, anyone is too young," he answered. _Except Sai,_ he thought. He hadn't given it much thought, but Sai was over a thousand years old. _How cool is that?_ Though the idea that Sai would now grow old just like any other human… well, it was better than fading away instantly.

"True," Ogata muttered. "Damn it. I need to go. Can you call me again tomorrow?"

"You want _daily_ updates now?" Hikaru snorted. _Greedy man_. "Fine. When?"

"Around lunch hour should work if you have the time. I'm going to be busy later on - Go event."

At first Hikaru was about to say no, as during that time he was at the hospital, but he decided against it. "Alright, fine. I'll eat outside just this once," he said. "You better appreciate it."

"I do, I do. I need to hang up now," Ogata answered.

"Alright. Bye," Hikaru said and hung up. _It's going to be a sight to behold when Ogata meets Sai for the first time,_ he chuckled. _Though I think Sai and I need to go over what to do in that sort of situations. Sai needs to act like he has never met Ogata and other people he has gotten to know through me… otherwise it will seem suspicious._

For a moment Hikaru stared at his phone before sighing. _Now I need to call mum and listen to a lecture about the life shattering importance of education, no doubt,_ he thought. _Yippee._


	2. Chapter 2

**VI chapter**

**Dreaming and Lying**

 

Hikaru had been deep asleep, dreaming something about Go stone shaped ramen bowls, when his cell phone bursted into a polytonal cacophony and startled him almost out of his bed. Not knowing what the time was but knowing that it couldn't be anywhere near morning, he reached for it blindly, for the first time regretting buying it.

"'Ello, Shindo 'Ikaru speaking," he answered to it, the last word stretched out by a jaw breaking yawn as he turned to his back and rubbed his eyes. "I hope you have a very good reason for waking me up this… early?" he frowned at the hotel issued alarm clock on his bedside table. It was half past two in the morning. "A very _very_ good reason."

"Mr. Shindo, I apologise for waking up you this late, but I think I don't have any other choice," vaguely familiar though rather strained voice spoke. "Do you think you could come over to the hospital?"

"Wha -- Doctor Kurosawa?" he asked as he recognised the voice to belong to one of the doctors who worked in the long term care ward. Immediately he bolted up in his bed. "Is Sai okay? What's wrong?" he asked, looking around and then starting to wiggle out of his still rather new pyjamas.

"He's not in danger if that's what you mean, but he had a nightmare - a pretty bad one at that," the doctor said. "He's panicking and it doesn't seem like anything we can do will make him calm down. He just keeps calling your name. We can't give him any sleeping drugs or sedatives to calm him down, he's still not strong enough to take them and the danger of a relapse is still close by. So… I think you should come here."

Hikaru had been out of the bed at the _calm down_ , rushing about in search for his clothing. "I'll be there as soon as I can," he said. "Have someone open the door for me, alright?"

"Alright, I'll have one of the night nurses greet you at the door. Thank you, Mr. Shindo, and again I apologise for waking you," the man sounded relieved. Hikaru didn't answer, merely hung up and started to pull his clothes on faster than he ever had. He didn't even bother trying to find his socks just grabbed his room key, his wallet, thrust the phone into his pocket and then dashed out.

The trip from the hotel to the hospital had never seemed to so long, nor had it seemed to take so much time before. The darkness in the streets and the flickering street lamps just seemed to make it longer, until he was certain that he had spent an eternity running, wanting to go faster because Sai needed him but at the same time feeling like he was only going slower. By the time he reached the hospital, he was panting heavily and his throat was hurting

"Good morning. You must be Shindo," one of the night nurses was waiting for him at the hospital’s front entrance. It was a nurse unfamiliar to Hikaru so he supposed she wasn't working anywhere near the long term ward. Hikaru was rather familiar with the nurses there "Doctor Kurosawa said you would be coming. What happened?"

"Friend in long term ward, panic attack… or something," Hikaru gasped for breath while pushing past the nurse. "Thanks!" he called back, already running towards the elevator. The hospital during the night time was a bit creepier than it was during the day time, with most of the lights turned off and a bare minimum still on, but Hikaru didn't have the time to dwell on that.

The elevator ride to the upper floors seemed to last an eternity, and once the doors did open, Hikaru was half mad with worry. Dashing into the corridor he could see a nurse waiting not far from Sai's room, and that there were lights on there. "Shindo," the male nurse said with something akin to relief. "Thank god. This is pretty unusual, mind you, but as we can't give him anything and he won't even listen us…"

Not listening, Hikaru pushed past him and into the room. Kurosawa was there, leaning over Sai's bed trying to calm Sai down. Even from across the room Hikaru could hear his friend's scared whimpering, a sound unlike anything he had ever heard from Sai. If he hadn't been in hurry before, he was now.

"Sai!" he called, stepping closer to the bed and only dimly aware that Doctor Kurosawa stepped back. Sai was curled almost completely on the bed, his face buried in his knees, shivering madly. "Sai, Sai, I'm here," Hikaru said, his right hand settling over the quivering back and quickly starting to rub up and down the back of Sai's slightly clammy pyjamas while his other hand moved to Sai's hair. "I'm here, Sai…"

"H-Hikaru," the other looked up and Hikaru had never felt such pain as when looking at Sai's face, tear stained and terrified. " _Hikaru_!" Sai gasped at the sight of him, jolting slightly on the bed. His arms twitched as if trying to get up but it seemed he had depleted most of his energy in order to curl up as he had.

Knowing that the other couldn't move, Hikaru sat beside Sai and wrapped his arms as he was, one across Sai's back and another over his bent leg. He held on tight, trying to reassure the other of his presence. "I'm here, I'm here, you're alright," he mumbled to the man's hair. "What's wrong?"

"H-Hikaru, I'm sorry," Sai whispered, still trembling. "I… I was… the river and you, you weren't there - and I didn't want to, I didn't, but I couldn't get away, the water… the water was too heavy," he sobbed and Hikaru held him tighter. "I didn't want to, but I couldn't… and I called for you but you weren't - weren't there and… then I was fading and… and I don't want to fade, I don't…"

"Shh, I'm here, you're not fading, you're alright," Hikaru whispered, rubbing his hand again up and down the man's back before pulling back slightly. If Sai hadn't been so terrified and scared, he would've probably freaked out. Seeing Sai like this - hearing him speak in this tone of voice - was far more than Hikaru could've handled in any other situation. "See, you're right here, you're not going anywhere. It was just a bad dream…"

"I'm sorry, I… I'm…" Sai whimpered, his hands twitching weakly as if to try and take hold of Hikaru's sweater but he couldn't left them, he wasn't strong enough to move much on his own yet. "I'm _sorry_."

"It's alright, it's alright…" Hikaru answered, brushing his hands through the other's slightly sweat dampened hair. Sai was hot but he was still shivering as if cold. "You have no need to be sorry," he murmured, somewhat aware that the doctor was still there, as he clumsily eased Sai to release his curled up position and straighten on the bed. Once he had, he climbed onto the bed to hold the other close until the tremors would subside. "It's alright, just calm down… it's alright…"

Sai let out a sob as Hikaru brushed his fingers soothingly up and down his back, but started to slowly calm down. Once he had, he sniffed heavily until Doctor Kurosawa handed Hikaru a towel to dry Sai's face with. With a gentle, worried smile Hikaru did so, still keeping one hand around his friend.

"I'm sorry," Sai sniffed heavily, looking more tired than he had after he had started to recover. "I woke you up."

"I don't mind since it's you," Hikaru assured, thankful that Sai didn't need the respirator anymore as he covered the other's nose with the towel. "Blow your nose."

Even through the miserable look on his face, Sai managed to look slightly mortified. "No."

"Yes, otherwise you'll get snot all over me," Hikaru said with a grin. "Come on," he urged until the other did as he was told. Smothering his grimace in chuckle Hikaru crumbled the towel and placed it aside before gently brushing the damp hair that had tangled on Sai's slightly sweaty forehead aside. "You alright now?"

"No," Sai said desolately, closing his eyes.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Hikaru asked, glancing at Kurosawa as the man picked the towel up and replaced it with a clean one. Raising his eyebrows Hikaru asked silently for some privacy, which the man granted with a nod, looking slightly satisfied and awed about how Hikaru had manage to calm Sai.

"I was… I was at the river, like before, back then… then, long ago," Sai muttered as the door closed behind Doctor Kurosawa and the night nurse. "Except I didn't… want to be there this time and I didn't know how I got there. I tried to turn to the shore, to get away from the water, but something… was wrapped around my ankles and I couldn't. I fell into the water and tried to get up again, but the water, it was so heavy…"

It wasn't like Sai to ramble. He usually spoke rather eloquently, unless Hikaru had managed to coax the childishness out of him. The nightmare had obviously effected the other hard, to bring Sai to this state. Once Sai had finished his explanation of the dream of drowning and fading away, he was on the verge of crying again. Hikaru held onto him until he calmed down and then dried his face again.

"It must've been horrible for you," he murmured, placing the towel aside again and brushing his hand up and down Sai's upper arm. "But it's alright, it was just a dream."

"I don't like dreams," Sai murmured, closing his eyes for a moment and swallowing heavily. "I… I haven't slept or dreamed for so long… I didn't remember they could be like that."

"In all your thousand of years, you haven't slept? At all?" Hikaru asked with a shock, his eyes widening as the other shook his head. When Sai had been a spirit, every time he had gone to bed or woken up, Sai had been fully alert, but there had been times when Sai had dozed off… like in Hikaru's boring English lessons. He had never considered that Sai wasn't able to sleep.

"Spirits don't need sleep," Sai murmured. "Sometimes I was less alert than other times, when I was still in my Goban, but usually I was always… awake. I can't remember dreaming even once."

"And this… was your first dream?" Hikaru asked quietly.

With a swallow, the other nodded. "I don't like sleeping," he whispered with a pained voice. "It feels like I'm vanishing, like I'm fading again. Like I will never wake up again, like there will be… nothing…" Sai's face crumbled under the overload of his emotions and he shifted slightly as if to press his face to Hikaru's chest. "Hikaru… I'm _scared_ …"

Automatically wrapping his arms around the other, Hikaru almost choked. That was _not_ something he had ever expected to hear Sai of all people say. "It's… it's alright. You won't fade," he said hurriedly. "You were given a body and a new life; it wouldn't make any sense for you to lose them now. You won't fade. I won't let you."

Sai continued to shiver in the silence despite all Hikaru's efforts. After some time, Hikaru started to see just how exhausted the other was - but Sai was obviously forcing himself to stay awake, terrified of falling asleep. "Sai… Sai don't do this to yourself. You have nothing to be afraid of," Hikaru spoke. "You _need_ to rest. Dreams can't hurt you."

"I don't want to," the other said, but the tiredness was making his voice rough and heavy. "I don't… I don't want to sleep again. Hikaru, please don't make me… please…"

The boy swallowed. When Sai put it like that it was almost impossible for him to disobey, but he knew better. Sai would just end up hurting himself if he tried to stay awake despite the exhaustion. "You need your rest," he whispered, taking hold of the other's chin and forcing him to look at him. "Your body needs to rest. If you don't, you'll never get healthy."

The other shook his head weakly, fresh tears rising to his bloodshot eyes.

"Please, Sai. I hate to see you like this, and you know it," Hikaru pressed on. "Listen, I'll stay here the whole time, I'll watch over you until you'll wake up, make sure that you won't go anywhere. I'll make sure you won't fade or… or die or anything. And if you have another nightmare, I'll wake you up. So please… get some sleep."

"I don't… I don't want to," Sai muttered heavily, closing his eyes.

"It's alright, I'll stay here the whole time, I'll watch over you," Hikaru continued to say. He sunk his fingers to the other's hair, brushing his finger tips gently against Sai's scalp in the same, soothing way his mother had used to ease him back to sleep when he had been younger. "It's alright, I'm here and you're not going anywhere. So, get some sleep… please…

It took what seemed to be an eternity, in the end but Sai was too tired to put up much of a fight. He finally fell into uneasy slumber with fresh tear trails in his slightly puffy - and still much too thin - cheeks. Gently Hikaru wiped them away, continuing to bush the other's scalp in hopes of keeping Sai asleep and assuring him of his presence.

"We were expecting something like this, actually," Kurosawa quietly said later while bringing Hikaru a cup of hot tea. "He has been in a coma for two and half years, it would be abnormal if he didn't have some bad dreams."

"Are they going to continue?" Hikaru whispered, his fingers still in Sai's hair as he took the cup and sipped it. He too was exhausted but he had promised Sai to stay awake, so that was what he was going to do no matter what. "I don't like seeing him like this."

"It depends. We still don't know how exactly he ended up in the coma, as he can't remember," Kurosawa said, unknowing of the lies Hikaru and Sai had clumsily told the hospital staff in order to keep Sai's past in secret. "If the incident was tramatic, if he can remember is subconsciously… well, time will tell. All we can hope that they won't continue and that if they will, we can figure out medication for him to sleep better. For now it's impossible, as he is already receiving mild stimulants and his metabolism is still slightly unsteady. We'd prefer to medicate him as little as possible as it is."

Hikaru nodded, as that was what he wanted too. Sai hooked up on drugs was the last thing he wanted right now. "I can stay here for the night, right?" he asked then. "I promised him I wouldn't leave."

"Yes, you can," Kurosawa nodded, looking at Sai. "He's quite lucky to have friend as caring as you."

"So I've been told," Hikaru muttered, his eyes falling on his partner's restless face as well. Despite everything, he was the one who was lucky in this situation. In all honesty, he had no idea what he would do without Sai.

"Oh, we've been meaning to tell you, now that Mr. Fujiwara is awake most of the time, you should be expecting to see some officials to visit him," the doctor then said. "Two and half years of being nameless has left quite a hole into his file, it needs to be filled with some information. His parents, birth date and place… things like that."

Hikaru nodded, feeling a twinge of panic. "I'll let him know when he wakes up," he said. Not much after the man left, as he had been in the middle of his rounds in the ward when Sai had woken up. Left alone, the boy turned his attention to his now sleeping friend. Thankfully Sai hadn't budged at all during their talk, but he seemed to be rather tired and they had spoken in quiet voices.

 _We need to start figuring out what we're going to say to people,_ he mused worriedly. _We need to come up with some sort of story to give to people about Sai's past. The whole story, not just bits and pieces of it. Especially since official sorts of people are probably going to start coming soon, now that Sai's more alert…_

It would be hard since they couldn't exactly name any specific people or dates in case they would be checked out by the officials. Hopefully they would have enough time to think about it and figure out the best way to tell their tales. Hikaru rather doubted that Sai would be up to it when he would wake up the next time, not after this.

 _And if there isn't enough time, I'll make time._ In a bout of spontaneous affection, Hikaru pressed a kiss to the man's hair. _This world is lucky that he just exists here. They have no right to rush him._

 

-

 

"Master Ogata," a familiar voice interrupted Seiji's quiet break, making him look up from his cell phone which he had been staring at over the smoke curling from his cigarette. It was Akira, who was walking towards him. "Good morning. Do you have a game today?"

"Hm-hmm, later. And a Go event in the evening," the man nodded, turning to his phone again before lifting his cigarette to his lips and dragging a breath through it. "Congratulations," he then said. "Third-dan since yesterday, was it?"

"Thank you," Akira answered, but the words were barely heartfelt as he sat down across from the other. He glanced over the Go Association cafeteria and sighed. "It seems… dull in here," he said mostly to himself. Music was playing by the counter and a group of insei were arguing over something as they walked towards the elevators, but none of that seemed to move him. "When is Shindo going to return?"

"Not for a while," Seiji answered. He had been in touch with Shindo, though he could count the phone calls with half a hand, but he had still gathered that it would take weeks before Shindo would make an appearance. Right now the Go world probably didn't even matter to Shindo, not with _sai_ still bedridden and unable to function properly, even if Shindo's master was alert now. "He's too busy with _sai_."

"So I've gathered," Akira murmured staring at his lap for a moment before standing up. "I'm getting a cup of tea. Can I get you anything?"

"I'm set," the elder pro answered, motioning towards his coffee up. It was almost empty and the coffee was no doubt already cold, but he still didn't want anymore. Instead he kept looking at his phone.

Shindo had said he'd call today during the lunch hour - which would be now - but he was already ten minutes late. It wasn't like Seiji had ever expected much punctuality from Shindo - the boy tended to cut it close with most things - but the second-dan knew he had a busy day ahead of him....

The man snorted. The only calls he awaited more than Shindo's were the ones from the Go Association, and those were rather rare as usually he was given all the information he needed about his schedule and opponents in person. But with Shindo… the conversations they had over the phone were essentially updates on _sai_ , and Seiji couldn't help but feel anxious about it. Shindo had said that the man was getting better, yet he had lapsed into a _coma_ at some point, so the elder pro felt that it was his right to feel worried. Especially since the recovery process was apparently going to be slow.

He started slightly as the phone in his hand bursted into a buzzing noise and the ring tone started to echo. It was Shindo.

"Ten minutes late," he answered to the phone with slight smirk.

"Well, excuse me for being a few minutes off your perfect schedule. I was grabbing something to eat - and then I had to head out to the garden, 'cause you can't use a phone inside the hospital," Shindo answered with a slightly annoyed and tired voice. "I should've just skipped calling you all together," he muttered.

"You sound tired," Seiji pointed out. "Long night?"

"Insanely early morning. I was called to the hospital around two," Shindo groaned and from the phone Seiji could hear him ripping open some plastic wrap. His next words were muffled by something he had just bitten. "Sai had a panic attack in the night. Well, according to the doctors it wasn't really a panic attack, just… something like it. But anyway, I was called to the hospital since they couldn't calm him down and he can't take sedatives. I've been up for… nine hours now. Almost."

"I see," Seiji said with little bit of shock, looking up as Akira returned to the table. "Is he alright?"

"Tired, cranky… well, cranky in the way Sai can be cranky which isn't really that cranky. I managed to keep him asleep most of the night, but he woke up a little while ago," Shindo answered with a yawn. "Damn, being tired makes me babble. I'm so catching a nap on the bed beside Sai's, no matter what the nurses say…"

"Are those sorts of… episodes common?"

"No. No, this was the first one. He hasn't had any dreams since he woke up from the coma," the younger pro answered. "Now we're all just hoping that it won't happen again. A few nights like this and he'll end up having a relapse." There was a short silence. "How are things over there? Is that music I hear? Are you actually listening to music?"

"I'm in the Go Association's café, there's a radio. And I'll have you know, I listen to music rather often," Seiji snorted, looking up at Akira who was looking at him curiously over his tea cup. "Akira's here with me. He was promoted to third-dan yesterday."

"He was? Awesome. Say congratulations to him for me."

"Shindo says congratulations," Seiji passed the message to the younger pro.

"You're talking to Shindo?" Akira's eyes widened before he held out his hand demandingly. "Let me talk to him."

Seiji raised his eyebrows at the other's attitude, making the younger pro blush as he realised his own rudeness. "Akira wants to talk. I'm giving the phone to him," the tenth-dan said to the cell phone, before handing it to the third-dan. He didn't mind, it gave him the time to ponder over what Shindo had said.

"Shindo, when are you coming back?" Akira was quick to ask, and as Seiji watched how the other talked on the phone, he realised that unlike he, Akira hadn't been kept up to date about _sai_.

 _It might be that Shindo trusts me more about it. Despite everything, Akira… well, I have been more interested about_ sai _from the start,_ the man mused, dragging another lungful of smoke through his ever shrinking cigarette. _Though Akira could probably relate to Shindo's and_ sai _'s_ _situation better, given than his father was in the hospital not long ago._

It wasn't like he hadn't experienced it, though. His mother had died when he had been about Akira's and Shindo's age and before her death she had been in the hospital for two months. _Lung cancer,_ Seiji thought, smothering the snort while eying his cigarette. _Might end up as my doom too, unless I quit. Though considering that old man Kuwabara is still alive and kicking even though he smokes two times as much as I do…_

With life like that of Go, he needed nicotine just to stay sane. Especially with some startling and often maddening individuals around. Crushing the cigarette in the ashtray sitting on the table, he turned his thoughts back to _sai_. He wasn't sure if he could relate to Shindo's and _sai_ 's situation, though. Unlike Shindo, he hadn’t really sat by his mother's bed when she had been ill. Unlike _sai_ , she hadn't had any hopes of getting better for years before her death. And even if she had, he still wouldn't have kept her company each and every day. How Shindo could, he didn't know, as it was devotion beyond his comprehension, quite literally.

 _All I can do is watch from the sidelines and marvel that people like those two actually exist in this world,_ he mused while Shindo was apparently letting Akira know about _sai_ 's situation. No matter whom it would've been, he would've never rushed to a hospital in the middle of the night because of a _panic attack…_ but Shindo had and all he seemed to regret was the loss of sleep. And what was most amazing about the all was that despite knowing Shindo for months now, the boy's personality _still_ managed to surprise Seiji.

"No need, I'll get your phone number from Master Ogata since he seems to have it," Akira was saying into the phone, looking at Seiji somehow accusingly like the man had betrayed him by not giving him Shindo's phone number earlier. "Yes, alright. I'll call you later. Hm, probably in the evening, in the mornings I think I'm too busy… yes, I'll see if I can let them know. Yes, I'll give it back to him. Bye Shindo."

Seiji took the phone when Akira handed it to him. "Toya can be one demanding jerk when he tries. Well, he doesn't really even have to try most of the time, I bet," Shindo muttered into the phone after Seiji had announced that he had it again. "But I guess all the Toyas are like that."

"Pretty much," Seiji nodded with amusement. "Have you visited the Kansai Branch yet?"

"No, I haven't had much time to even think about it, I'm pretty busy at the hospital. Sai's physical therapy will start soon, and I promised I'd be there when it does," Shindo answered. "Don't think I'm not practicing, though. I had almost four matches with Sai just yesterday. I think he was feeling Go-deprived, he hasn't kicked my ass that badly in a while."

"I can imagine," Seiji snorted.

"Uhhuh. I'm thinking of finding a shop that sells proper Gobans around here. Trying to move the stones by himself should slow him down a bit - and give his hands some exercise too," Shindo muttered. "I'm about done with my lunch. I should head back inside. It was nice talking to you, Ogata. Akira too. He was less of a prissy boy than he usually is."

"Right," Seiji muttered amusedly while glancing at his wrist watch. "I'll call you tomorrow around six in the evening, alright? Or would seven work better?"

"Seven works, I will still be at the hospital at six, so my phone won't be on," Shindo answered. "Now I am going to find a soft surface to die on. Or maybe not die, Sai would kick my ass if I did. Anyway, going now. Bye bye, Ogata."

"Bye, Shindo. Take my regards to _sai,_ " the man answered.

"I will," Shindo answered and hung up. As Seiji lowered the phone, he was more or less assaulted by Akira who wanted to know just how long had he known that Shindo had a cell phone and why hadn't he felt the need to share the information before.

Without answering, the man took out a pen and quickly copied Shindo's phone number onto a napkin. "I'm sorry, but I have a game in… soon. Can't stick around to chat," he then said, swiftly standing up. "It was nice talking to you, Akira."

The teen snorted after him while taking the napkin and standing up as well. While heading for the elevator, the elder pro smothered a smirk. Shindo was right. Akira was turning less prissy.

 

**VII chapter**

**Growing Up**

 

Over the course of the past two years, Shindo Heiachi had been watching more or less from the sidelines how his grandson had changed completely and started to make a name for himself in a way that often made his chest swell rather painfully with pride. Though he had never in his life been exactly ashamed of Hikaru - the boy was his only grandchild, just about everything he did made Heiachi preen with grandfatherly smugness - the way Hikaru had turned out definitely soothed a certain place in his heart.

Sometimes he had to wonder though how it actually had happened. In less than a year, Hikaru had gone from a bratty kid who only cared about his own entertainment, into a Go professional of all things. It still sometimes puzzled Heiachi because Hikaru had never shown any interest, not to mention any skill, in Go - and yet, all of a sudden, he passed the pro exam. And without a single loss at that! And though Heiachi didn't fail to take the opportunity to boast and flaunt at the Go-salons he visited, he sometimes pondered if it was really his Hikaru, his grandson.

The few times Hikaru had visited in the past few years had shown Heiachi a greatly different boy from the grandson he remembered. Between two visits he seemed to have matured more than most people matured in a life time, and for the life of him the old man couldn't figure out how it had happened. Hikaru's smile had stopped being as carefree, his eyes had deepened and it seemed that in a short amount of time he had lived years…

For a while Heiachi wondered if that Goban had been the reason. Hikaru had stolen it - and never apologised for it, just told that he would get the Goban back over Hikaru's dead body, and though the threat had been delivered in a casual, joking tone, it had made Heiachi shiver. When Heiachi had later seen the Goban while visiting his son's house, he had found it tediously polished, it and the stone bowls and even the stones had been perfectly cleaned. Hikaru had tended to the Goban even with greater care than Heiachi showed his own board.

Maybe the ghost in the Goban had possessed Hikaru, maybe that was the reason for the change. Heiachi hadn't let the worries gain root, but had still kept an eye and ear about for the changes in Hikaru. Masao and Mitsuko had come to him about Hikaru often enough, not quite certain how to handle Hikaru's Go obsession, so keeping himself informed hadn't been hard at all.

Hikaru's painting hobby, especially when he started making money from it, was also something Heiachi had never considered as something Hikaru would do. Hikaru was out going and sporty, and for a long while Heiachi had been envisioning him as a professional soccer player… painting didn't quite fit that picture. But Hikaru was not only determined but quite skilled with it, considering what Heiachi had heard from Hikaru's parents.

Painting and Go. They seemed such an important part of Hikaru's life now, but less than three years ago Heiachi would've snorted out loud at the thought of it.

And now this sudden trip to Kyoto, missing a game at that! What Heiachi had been able to gather of Hikaru's professional attitude, he didn't like to miss games - and he never lost them. Go was overwhelmingly important to him, so the fact that he had missed a game and taken a leave was worrisome.

When Heiachi had heard that Hikaru had gone to be with his friend who was in the hospital in Kyoto, he had wondered if it was one of his Go rivals. But when Hikaru's stay stretched from a few days into weeks, he started to worry - and he wasn't the only one. Mitsuko and Masao were both beside themselves, confused and worried even though Hikaru was calling them every now and then to let them know how he was doing. They still didn't understand. And neither did Heiachi.

Hikaru was slipping away from all of them, had been for two years now with his new interests and priorities, his obsessions and hobbies. Heiachi, who felt that he was perhaps closest in the family to understanding what moved Hikaru these days, as Go was close to his heart as well, wasn't about to let it happen without putting up a fight.

"What is the hotel Hikaru's staying in?" he asked Mitsuko over the phone while making travel plans. "And the hospital where his friend is staying? Do you know the name?"

"Grandfather?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm going to go and see what that boy is up to. I have a friend in Kyoto I've been meaning to visit for a while anyway. Grandma agrees with me," Heiachi added, glancing towards the kitchen where his wife was making breakfast. "Someone has to go and see what's going on. And Masao is too busy to do it."

"Maybe I should come with you?" Mitsuko offered. "Hikaru has spoken of this… friend of his a few times over the phone, I would very much like to meet him and see…"

See why the person was so important that Hikaru's entire life had pulled to a halt beside his bed. Heiachi made a sound of agreement. "Maybe you should. I was thinking of staying there for a while, staying in a cheap hotel for a few nights, maybe even the same one Hikaru's staying in…"

They started making plans. Masao seemed annoyed that he couldn't come as well, but his work kept him busy. Without Hikaru to feed or look after, Mitsuko on the other hand had no duties to keep her, so she was free to come. Together Heiachi and his daughter-in-law packed their things into Heiachi's old car and then headed to Kyoto.

The traffic was horrible and to their annoyance Hikaru wasn't at the hotel when they finally got there after hours of driving. Irritated and worried they headed to KyotoCityHospital, were they asked if the nurses knew if Shindo Hikaru was visiting any of the patients.

"Oh, Hikaru?" one of the nurses asked and chuckled. "He would be in the long term ward with Mr. Fujiwara," she paused and glanced at another nurse who had just opened his mouth to speak. "No, wait, they might not be there today, Mr. Fujiwara's physical therapy is starting this week I think… I don't remember if it was today or tomorrow."

"They're either at the long term ward or in the gym," the male nurse said. "How about I'll show you the way?"

The knowledge that Hikaru had been coming to the hospital so often that the nurses addressed him so casually, was both relieving and worrying. At least Hikaru hadn't been running all around Kyoto all by himself, but still, staying in the hospital for so long? _His friend must be really important to him. I doubt Hikaru would do this even for Akari or his own family,_ Heiachi mused darkly.

To their relief, Hikaru was in the long term ward, sitting by a bed next to the window. The bed was occupied not by a boy of Hikaru's age like they had expected, but a young man with long hair. The young man looked sickly and had obviously been bedridden for a while, but there was a burning determination in his eyes as he stared as his hands. He had a table pulled before him and a foldable Goban had been spread on it - and when they stepped closer, Heiachi could see that the man was holding a slate stone in his fingers.

"You can do it," Hikaru was urging the man who was frowning at the stone and then at the board. There were already a few stones on it. "Look, you've already managed to put four stones. What's one more?"

"I barely got them to the board… you had to put them into their places," the man said before painstakingly trying to lift his hand. Then he noticed Heiachi and Mitsuko, alerting Hikaru to their presence as well.

The boy's eyes widened as he realised who they were. "Mom, Grandpa! What are you doing here?" he asked, standing up with surprise. "Why didn't you let me know you were coming?"

"Because you would have told us not to come, no doubt," Mitsuko said, stepping closer to embrace her son while Heiachi eyed the man, Mr. Fujiwara, curiously. The sick man's hand had fallen weakly to the sheets but he was still grasping onto the stone tightly, as if unwilling to let go. A Go player, obviously.

"But why…?" Hikaru looked between them with confusion.

"We had to see what had drawn you from home and to Kyoto," Heiachi glanced at him with a grim smile and then turned his eyes back to the man. "I guess you would be it," he said and stepped forward to shake the man's hand. "I am Shindo Heiachi, Hikaru's grandfather. And you are…?"

"Grandpa, he can't shake hands," Hikaru hissed.

"It's alright, Hikaru," the young man glanced at him with a brief smile before turning almost shy eyes to Heiachi. Then he released the go stone and, in a move that most obviously took all the strength he had, lifted his right hand from his side. Realising that the man wouldn't be able to hold his bony, long fingered hand up for long, Heiachi grasped it and shook it. The sickly man smiled. "Fujiwara n... Fujiwara Sai. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Shindo."

Heiachi eyed the man for a long while before nodding. Though he had never had much worries about the man, even before he had seen him, something about the man's eyes reassured him. This was not a person who would ever take advantage of Hikaru. "My apologies for our sudden arrival. It was a rather spur-of-the-moment decision."

"It's alright, I understand," Fujiwara smiled while Hikaru pulled benches for Mitsuko and Heiachi. "It's natural that you'd be worried about Hikaru. I would be worried if you weren't."

"I can take care of myself," Hikaru argued while returning to his original seat. Fujiwara just raised his eyebrows and smiled knowingly, and Hikaru flushed and looked away. Then he looked at the others. "So, you just decided to show up in Kyoto for no apparent reason?" he asked.

"For no apparent reason…?! Hikaru you've been here for weeks already!" Mitsuko argued back. "Of course we would be worried and would want to know what is going on."

"And what I said over the phone wasn't enough?"

Though Hikaru's and Fujiwara's silent interaction had been brief, it had spoken volumes to Heiachi. As an old Go player, he too understood the weight of silent communication and the things that could be said when people weren't saying anything. He had seen mentors and students exchange countless words with mere shakes of their heads and nods, and how rivals could know what the other was thinking even without looking at each other. And this, whatever there was between Hikaru and Fujiwara, was like that.

Heiachi watched how mother and son bantered back and forth, his eyes mostly trailing to Fujiwara who listened to them with a sort of amused relief as if glad to see Hikaru speaking to his mother. Sometimes Hikaru would throw a silent look at Fujiwara who answered with another one, exchanging more words and sentiments silently. It didn't take much to realise how close they were - even without the proof of Hikaru's sudden rush to Kyoto. These two were close enough to understand each other's minds. It took something special, that.

But just when had this sort of bond formed? At what point between Go and painting had Hikaru had the time to make friendships like this? Was this man the person who had taught Hikaru Go?

"Exactly when did you two meet?" Heiachi asked, directing his words at Fujiwara more than to Hikaru.

"Years ago," Hikaru was the one who answered. "Does it really matter?"

"Around the same time you stole my Goban?" Heiachi asked teasingly but he had a feeling that there was a connection.

"It's… my Goban now, you're not getting it back," Hikaru answered without really giving an answer, but there was something awkward in the way he said it. Fujiwara was the one who gave most away, though, as his eyes flickered between Hikaru and Heiachi nervously.

Had Hikaru stolen the Goban in order to use it to learn from Fujiwara? Surely it would've been much easier to buy a foldable Goban or just ask his parents or Heiachi to buy him a new one. That old Goban was heavy, not one you could move around easily. Perhaps Fujiwara had had a Goban already, and Hikaru had needed one to practice with at home? Still, he could have just asked for permission.

Not that Heiachi would have given it, considering the nature of the board.

"Mr. Fujiwara, are you one of Hikaru's… friends from the Go Association?" Mitsuko asked while Heiachi pondered over the Goban. "Is that how you came know each other?"

Again the two conversed silently before Hikaru answered. "We met before that, actually," he said almost casually. "Sai was the one who taught me Go, you know, way before I took part in the pro exam. But two and half years ago…"

"I had an accident," Fujiwara said somewhat calmly, when Hikaru wasn't able to continue. "Hikaru thought I had died… and I suppose in a way, I did…"

Heiachi listened to their story carefully. At Mitsuko's prodding Hikaru spun a tale about how he and Fujiwara had met in an internet café where Fujiwara had been playing Go. "On a computer, you know," Hikaru rolled his eyes when Heiachi had to ask how one could play Go in such a café. "There are websites where people can play against others all around the world. Maybe I'll show you how sometime."

Together the two continued their tale about how after the meeting, Fujiwara had started teaching Hikaru Go. Hikaru had wanted to learn in order to surprise Heiachi - a sound of which made the old man straighten his back until he learned that Hikaru had even intending to use Go to win money from him. It figured Hikaru would have a reason like that.

"But then Sai just… stopped showing up. All I knew that he was visiting Kyoto at the time and that's all. Since we just met at the café, we never really bothered to share any phone numbers or addresses and such," Hikaru shrugged his shoulders with a frown. "Eventually I… just thought he had died."

"When in reality I was here, in a comatose state," Fujiwara nodded with a frown. "Forgive me; I don't remember much of it. Things before waking up recently are still rather fuzzy for me…"

"Now I know why you look so familiar," Mitsuko suddenly spoke. She had been staring at Fujiwara intently. "Hikaru draws and paints you all the time. His room is filled with pictures of you."

Hikaru blushed and scratched his neck awkwardly while Fujiwara gave him a somewhat sad smile. "I… I didn't want to forget him," the boy mumbled. "But I didn't have any pictures so I… started to draw."

Heiachi brushed his hand over his mouth, making a thoughtful hmm-sound. It was a rather unbelievable tale, especially since he had never gotten any hint from Hikaru that he had been learning Go before the time he had stolen the Goban… but it made sense. There was no way Hikaru could learn Go as fast has he had - and this explained the theft of the Goban too, actually. Hikaru had stolen it to practice after Fujiwara had failed to show up.

"How did you find out that he's here if he was in a coma? And how are you awake now for that matter?" Heiachi asked, directing the first question at Hikaru and the second at Fujiwara.

"I sold a painting of Sai to a hotel where a friend of Doctor Tanaka - she's the one who looks after Sai here - was staying. She tracked me down after that, hoping that I'd know Sai," Hikaru shrugged, glancing at Mitsuko. "You remember that phone call I got on the fifth of May?"

"I do," she nodded slowly before narrowing her eyes admonishingly. "And I remember you running off - and all the way to Kyoto!"

"Yeah, sorry about that," the teen grinned sheepishly. "Anyway, once I got here, Sai started showing signs of waking up. Doctor Tanaka recons it's because of me - Sai was reacting to a familiar voice and presence and all that. And here we are."

There was a silence as Mitsuko and Heiachi digested the story. It was barely plausible, and something about the whole thing seemed awfully rehearsed. Heiachi got a strong impression that something about it was quite off, but he couldn't really figure out why Hikaru would lie about something like this.

"Well, that is good, I suppose. But Hikaru, now that he is awake… shouldn't you be returning home?" Mitsuko said and immediately the boy's closed up like a barrier had fallen between him and his mother. The woman, not noticing it, continued. "Surely you can keep in touch by phone…"

"Mom, the only way I'm leaving Kyoto is if Sai comes to Tokyo," Hikaru spoke in that stubborn voice of his that never left any room for argument. "I am not leaving his side when he needs me the most."

"What about your school or your career --"

"No. I'm staying here until Sai can either be released or transferred to a hospital in Tokyo, and that's that."

Another period of silence followed, this one slightly awkward. Mitsuko looked at Heiachi for advice, but he wasn't sure what to say. When Hikaru got like this, it took more than wild horses to make him change his mind. It was obvious that this Fujiwara meant more to Hikaru than any arguments they could conjure, certainly more than obeying his mother or his grandfather meant to the boy.

 _Hikaru has grown up well beyond his time,_ Heiachi mused, noticing that his godson was tightly clasping Fujiwara's hand. That was another thing he had never considered, but the old man was starting to slowly accept that Hikaru was never going to meet any of their expectations. _Though considering that he has a career with a decent income and a profitable hobby, I can't say that there is anything exactly wrong with Hikaru's chosen future…_

No, it wasn't a future. It was a life. Hikaru had chosen and was already living the life he was going to live until he died. At the age of fifteen, Hikaru was already a man.

Brushing his hand over his chin again, Heiachi stifled a morose smile. Once upon a time it wasn't so unusual to see boys grow up to be men so fast, but by today's standards is was rather odd. In light of that he couldn't help but feel proud - and sad that not only he but Hikaru's parents as well had missed the whole transition. Hikaru had grown up, and none of them had really noticed.

"Hikaru," Heiachi said finally, standing up. "Come with me, let's get some drinks downstairs. Do you want something, Mitsuko, Mr. Fujiwara?"

"I'll take some ice tea, thank you," Mitsuko nodded, still looking troubled

"I… am not sure if I'm allowed to eat that sort of thing yet. Doctor Tanaka has so far been rather strict about the things I have tried to eat," Fujiwara answered, glancing at Hikaru who was still sitting beside him, obviously not certain if he should leave Fujiwara's side. "Hikaru," the man said gently. "Go. I'll be fine."

It took him a moment but finally, with a final squeeze to the man's hand, Hikaru stood and followed Heiachi out of the room. The old man glanced at his grandson and smiled at the nervous look on Hikaru's face. He looked like he was expecting an official inquiry. "Mr. Fujiwara is lucky to have a room all to himself," he said casually as they headed towards the elevator.

"There was a woman there before, Mrs. Yoshida, but she was released two days ago," Hikaru answered, glancing around and then noticing a nurse. "Nurse Akiyama," he called. "Has Doctor Tanaka said anything about Sai's diet? I was hoping I could get him something sweet from the café downstairs, since he's only gotten to try your bland hospital mush so far."

"I'll be sure to let our cooks know about your opinion," the nurse chuckled before frowning. "I think for now it's better that you don't get anything radical as we are only starting to ease him onto solid food. You can ask the cashier about some bland mousse or pudding. Nothing with too much sugar or milk in it. They should have something like that."

"Alright. Thanks," Hikaru nodded as he and his grandfather turned towards the elevator.

"He is also lucky to have a friend as loyal and caring as you," Heiachi continued, seizing his grandson with his eyes and sighing. Really, when had Hikaru grown up to be this responsible? "He obviously means the world to you, so I won't even bother trying to tell you to be otherwise."

The boy nodded, still eying him cautiously as they stepped into the elevator. "Nothing you say will make me leave him," he then said.

"Yeah, I already figured that out," the old man nodded, pressing the button that would take the elevator to the ground level. "Doesn't he have friends or family, though, no one else to stay with him?" he asked, already suspecting the answer. Hikaru wouldn't be so adamant if there had been someone else.

"No. No one but me," Hikaru answered frowning at the floor. "He doesn't have a job or a home either - and there is a bit of a mix up going on with his ID because he can't remember the things like his parents or his identification - he didn't have any of his personal items with him when he was found, just a costume…"

Heiachi raised his eyebrows. "They can't verify who he is?" he asked with surprise.

"Not on paper," Hikaru shrugged. "Then there's the thing about his hospital bills - I think I'd be able to pay them but I can't since I'm a minor and not his medical proxy…"

"But you _would_ pay them for him, if you could?" the old man asked, growing even more surprised. Then he narrowed his eyes. "And what do you think you two will do when he is released from the hospital?"

Hikaru went immediately from nervous to stubborn. The elevator doors opened but he didn't even notice it, being too busy glaring at his grandfather. "I'll get a house for us if I have to," he said sternly. "I don't care if I have to take loans and spend rest of my life paying them - I am _not_ leaving Sai alone."

"Easy, easy, I wasn't suggesting you should," Heiachi said quickly and together they stepped out of the elevator. As they headed towards the cafeteria, he rubbed his neck thoughtfully. _He is going to support Fujiwara with or without any help_ , Heiachi mused, looking at his grandson with a frown. _I guess the only thing to figure out now is whether we, his family, are going to just make it harder for him…_

The old man's eyes softened with mild sadness. "Really… when did you grow up to be this tall?" Heiachi mumbled to Hikaru and coughed softly when the boy gave him a confused look. "I think I will want to get to know this Sai of yours," he said as they started picking from the selection of the cafeteria. "Since you're obviously not going to forsake him, I might as well see if there's something we can do to help."

"Grandpa?" Hikaru asked unsurely while picking up two cups of rather bad looking fruit pudding from the counter. "Really?"

"Yes. I _do_ want to get to know him first, though. As you're not going anywhere, I think I'll stick around a few days, that should be enough time," Heiachi said with casual certainty. "We'll see where we'll get from there."

Hikaru stared at him for a moment with an unreadable expression on his face before wrapping his arms around the old man and squeezing the breath out of him. "Thank you," the boy said in choked up voice before quickly pulling back and moving to pay for the pudding like nothing had happened.

Heiachi was still smiling brightly when they returned to the long term care ward. As Hikaru started expertly and without any hint of embarrassment to feed the pudding to Fujiwara - who despite the blandness seemed pleasantly surprised - the old man's smile only widened. Hikaru might've grown up, but he hadn't grown apart from them just yet.

 

**VIII chapter**

**Planning the Future**

 

It very rarely registered to Hikaru that his grandfather had been, once upon a time, a business man much like his father was now. Heiachi, who had been in retirement as long as Hikaru could remember, just wasn't a business-man sort of person. Though, when he was honest, the teen supposed that might've been because most of his life he had thought that his grandfather was just a weird Go maniac who gave him money. These days thinking that way was rather hypocritical.

Now, however, as his grandfather took charge of the official aspects of Sai's case, Hikaru appreciated the old man's expertise with paper work. While Hikaru sat and watched how the nurses helped Sai exercise in the gym, his grandfather was working somewhere in order to get an official identity for Sai. Of course he didn't know that he was more or less faking an identity for a person who had died a thousand years ago, he only thought that he was re-establishing Sai's paper work despite the lack of previous works.

"It is possible," the old man had said. "It's mighty difficult, but not completely impossible once you know what to do. Your Sai isn't the first person to turn up with amnesia and no previous background, you know. And it's not like people like that are kicked out of Japan because they can't prove who they are."

Hikaru considered them lucky that Heiachi had not only decided to help, but he had taken a liking to Sai after watching Sai beat the heck out of Hikaru in Go.

Of course, Sai would never have things like a birth certificate or any proof of education - hell, he had no modern education in the first place - but he would be Fujiwara Sai in person and on paper, legally and lawfully. And though the lack of older records would hinder some, and the lack of school records would make them completely incapable of working, Sai was different. The lack of records wouldn't hold him down.

"Once Grandpa has managed to get the paper work all set, we're going to have you transferred to a hospital in Tokyo," Hikaru said one afternoon after Sai had finished his physical therapy for the day and they were back in the long term ward. "Things will be easier once we get there."

Sai nodded, trying to shift into a more comfortable position on the bed by using his hands, but they kept giving away under his weight. Hikaru, knowing that the more Sai moved and used his muscles the better, didn't offer to help. "And you can continue playing at the Association," the man muttered, huffing with slight irritation as his hands gave away again.

"Hm, yeah. Though I'm not sure…" Hikaru scratched his neck. "So far it's been you playing all the time. I can't play like you, even though I learned from you. So, if I go back, and my style changes radically… it will raise some eyebrows."

"Perhaps," Sai glanced up. "But you have already told some people that you supposedly have two styles of playing."

Hikaru thought about it and then nodded. "True," he muttered. He could just say that he wasn't going to play as Yurei anymore. What worried him about that was the level of skill. Sai was much better than he was. When he would started playing as himself, his Go skills wouldn't only change but diminish in the eyes of those who were watching.

But on other hand, so what? What would they do even if they thought he had turned weaker? It wasn't like they could lock him up and interrogate him, Go wasn't _that_ serious.  Ridicule him perhaps, but Hikaru hardly cared about that, especially not now that Sai was alive…

Turning his attention to Sai, Hikaru frowned slightly. "The pro exam will start in two weeks," he murmured softly.

Sai froze slightly and looked up. Then he sighed. "I'm not fit to take it, am I?" he asked morosely, lifting his hands and looking at them. He could move them around more than before now that he was exercising them regularly, but they still tired quickly. And he was months away from being able to walk - not only did he not have the strength for it, but in the coma his body had forgotten how to do it.

"With my body like this…" Sai murmured, curling his fingers into a loose fist. "I can't… can I?"

It was silent agreement between them that Sai was going to become a professional Go player like Hikaru. It was really the only occupation Sai could ever have and excel at in the modern times, given his lack of records. One didn't need any form of education to be a professional Go player and Sai certainly had the skills, so it was the easy, obvious choice…

But of course it wasn't necessity which had driven them to this decision. Hikaru would've found a way to support Sai even if the man had decided never to work, so it wasn't about that. It was about Go, as always. Sai wanted to play, Hikaru wanted him to play, and who played more than a professional player? The best players were in the professional world anyway, the easiest way for Sai to be able to play them was to get to their level. To do that, he would have to climb the ladder - and take the pro exam.

Hikaru coughed and frowned slightly. It was both amusing and sad that Sai had to take the exam, as he had already taken it. He had just played through Hikaru back then, rather than as himself. And what previously had been denied by lack of body was now being hindered by weakness of the body Sai now had….

"Well, in the preliminaries there are only so many games, and then there's weeks before the main exam begins," Hikaru spoke thoughtfully. "Two weeks… hmm… if Grandpa can have you transferred to Tokyo before that - and if we could badger permission out of the hospital staff there, then… then only thing that would stop you from taking part in the preliminaries would be your body."

Sai's lips twitched as if wishing to grimace, but such expressions never made their way to his features. So far Sai's physical activities had been limited to exercises, and those usually took so much strength that he had nothing left for anything else. And of course, he could only move out of the bed in a wheelchair, and even then he needed someone to push it as propelling the chair by hand was completely beyond his strength.

"It is possible," Hikaru mused. "We'd need a wheelchair. Grandpa has a big car, he could easily give us a lift and I could… be there while you take the preliminaries… the only thing is if you could keep on playing for as long as those games would no doubt take."

Though Sai could now handle the stones himself, he didn't have the energy to do it for longer than half an hour or so before his right hand would give out due exhaustion. Games like the ones in the preliminaries would take longer than that even if Sai could've tried to play them as fast as he could.

"Two weeks," Sai muttered, looking at his right hand before closing it into a loose fist. "I would like to. I really would like to…" he frowned. "If I concentrate harder on the exercises, I should be able…"

"I don't want you to push yourself, and don't get your hopes too high up though," Hikaru said with a frown. "We'd need to get your paperwork done by next week otherwise it will be too late to sign up for the exam. We also need to have you transferred before then. And it's possible that the doctors will forbid it. And…" he trailed away helplessly.

Sai sighed and lowered his hand. "I know," he said with a sad smile. "But I would still like to."

Hikaru sighed and nodded. "Then I will try to make it possible," he promised determinately. "But everything will hang on Grandpa, and whether he can push the paper work through. Without that we can't do anything."

"Well then, I guess you will be happy to know that Sai is officially Sai now," a familiar voice joined their conversation as Heiachi walked in, holding a folder of papers on his hands. He had been gone for most of the last few days, skipping between offices, but by the looks of his expression, he was finished. "Finalized just today, though it would take you a month or two before you could try your hand at getting a driver's licence or passport or anything more official than that."

"You did it? You did it!" Hikaru cheered while taking the folder and shifting to sit on Sai's bed. As he opened the folder and he and Sai looked through the papers together, Heiachi sat down in the chair Hikaru had been sitting in before. "It's official," Hikaru grinned while looking over Sai's brand new social insurance card. Sai didn't seem to understand, but Hikaru knew that with this piece, Sai was officially alive and a Japanese citizen and that was all they needed. "Perfect! Grandpa, you're brilliant!"

"Why thank you," the old man grinned, obviously glad to see them so excited. "So, why did identification papers become so important all of a sudden? Weren't you saying that as long as they got through at some point it would be enough, before?"

"Yeah, well, um…" Hikaru hesitated before hurriedly explaining the plan to the old man.

"Don't you two think that it's too soon?" the old man asked worriedly, looking between them. "Sai can't do much of anything right now, not to mention about getting a job."

"Well, it's not like Go is physically taxing - and there's months before new professionals even start to play. And there's weeks between the preliminaries and the actual exam. And even then, well… there are elevators and such at the Association - and Sai wouldn't be the only professional with a physical handicap," Hikaru shrugged. They were rare but he had seen some players who used canes or crutched and one of the upper dans came and went in an electric wheelchair. "So it's not unheard of."

"And… you think you would be ready for something like that, Sai?" Heiachi asked with a frown. "A few weeks back you were still in a coma…"

"Yes, I am ready. I would be ready now if my body wasn't so weak. And like Hikaru says, I have weeks to exercise before the main exam even begins, and the preliminaries are only a handful of games…" he trailed away and sighed. "If I learned something from my… coma… it is that life goes past too quickly. I don't want to sit still, doing nothing, and if I don't pass the exam this time, that is what I will be doing for a year while waiting the next time."

"Well, I wouldn't say that, but…" Hikaru frowned. It wasn't like Sai was incapable of doing anything but playing Go, but he supposed that not being able to play equalled doing absolutely nothing truly worthwhile to Sai. "Yeah," he said. "He’s gotta have the chance to at least try now."

Heiachi folded his hands and eyed them with a frown, making a "hmm…" sound in his throat. Hikaru eyed him imploringly and beside him Sai did pretty much the same, until the old man snorted. "Alright, stop that," he said. "I'll start working on the transfer if Doctor Tanaka will let you leave. You're probably going to have to sign some forms, though, so be ready for that, Sai."

"Huh?" the long haired man snapped his head up. "I would need to _write_ something?" he asked in horror, turning his eyes to his hands. "I don't think I'm able to."

The old man snorted. "Any smudge is fine as long as there's someone there to write a clarification for it," he assured while standing up. "I think I'll go and have chat with Doctor Tanaka, if she's free, about the transfer. The sooner we start, the sooner we can leave."

"Thank you Grandpa, you're the best," Hikaru grinned and turned to Sai. "I should to go too," he said. "I need to visit the Kansai branch of the Association, to get the paper work for you. They should still be open. After we've filled out the forms, I'll need to send it to Tokyo. If I do it today, it will make it before the time is up."

"Alright," Sai nodded with a smile, reaching out to take Hikaru's hand and squeeze it thankfully. " _Thank you_ for doing this for me, Hikaru."

The teen squeezed back gently. "Pfft, you know there's very little I wouldn't do for you. Don't tell me to jump of a cliff though, I might get conflicted," he grinned while standing up. "Do you want that so that you can continue exercising?" he asked, motioning towards the foldable Goban he had bought for Sai a while ago.

"Yes, thank you," Sai chuckled.

Quickly Hikaru set the Goban open before him. Then, checking that he had everything he needed, Hikaru leaned forward to press a brief kiss to the man's forehead. "I'll try and be back before it gets too late," he said, wishing that Sai could come with him and that they could go together. Doing anything Go related without Sai felt wrong. _Well, it's not like I'm going there to play or anything._ "Bye, Sai."

Sai smiled after him as if knowing what he was thinking. "Bye, Hikaru. Take care."

 

-

 

Left alone in the hospital room, Sai relaxed against the pillows behind his back. For a while he looked at the door through which Hikaru had left, before he finally turned his attention to the cheap Goban before him.

 _It's hard being left behind,_ he mused, lifting his hand and eying it for a while. It was still hard to move his hands and they got tired very easily - and he couldn't lift anything heavier than a Go stone yet - but being able to move them at all was a small victory. If only they would move the way he wanted them to… if only he could move freely.

Sighing, the man reached for the stone bowls Hikaru had left on the table and clumsily took the lids of. Relieved that neither of them fell to the floor, he dipped his fingers into the cool stones, revelling in the feeling of them hugging his fingertips, before he pulled his hand back, holding a single black stone between his fore- and middle-fingers. The small burst of joy at the ability to do it almost eased the dull aching in his heart. Almost.

 _I'm… glad that we don't share minds anymore, Hikaru and I,_ Sai thought while placing the stone down on the board. It didn't land in the spot he had wanted to place it. With a push of his finger tips he pushed it to the place he had intended to put it. _I wouldn't want Hikaru to know how scared I am…._

Ever since the nightmare, he had tried his hardest not to be scared. The looks Hikaru had given him, panicked, scared expressions, had been too much. Of course they hadn't sunken in until much later, but he had scared Hikaru just as much as the horrible dream had scared him. Because he had said he didn't want to sleep… Hikaru had been scared for him.

Sai still didn't want to sleep. Unless he had exhausted himself to the point where he couldn't stop it, each night he stayed awake as long as he could, terrified of falling asleep. But he no longer let Hikaru know that. Nor did he tell him about his other fears. It didn't make them any easier to bear, but at least Hikaru wouldn't be bothered by his sentimentality.

But even so, being alone, even if awake, in this hospital scared him. Most of the nurses and doctors scared him, each time they came in when Hikaru wasn't there Sai didn't know what to do or what to say. So far he had managed to stick to the story Hikaru had invented, his pretend-past in this modern world, but every time he lied he feared slipping. That he would give something away.

The truth was, the longer he was awake, the more alien the world around him seemed. It had been, despite everything, easier back when he had been a ghost. He hadn't needed to interact or talk, even if he had wanted to, he hadn't needed to belong. It had been enough to be a spirit by Hikaru's side. But now he needed to be more, he needed to, how did Hikaru and Mr. Shindo put it, officially exist. The whole concept of paper work and things like that had made no sense to Sai when he had been watching Hikaru do them. Now they confused him even more - and he was supposed to know it all, or to pretend to…

Letting his thoughts trail away, Sai concentrated on recreating a game. It was the first game he and Hikaru had played, the first game in a long time which Sai had not won. The game that had ended in an unwitting tie because neither of them had taken komi into consideration.

Sai was dependant of Hikaru. It was both frightening and fitting, now that he thought about it. For so long Hikaru had hung to him for existence, so to speak, after being traumatised by his departure in the future which was now a past that had never happened. For so long Hikaru had leaned on him, even before he had realised it… and now he was leaning on Hikaru for everything.

Hikaru and his grandfather were sorting everything out for him whilst Sai could barely understand any of it. Hikaru took care of him, cheered him up, brought him entertainment and sweet things to eat, Hikaru was there when he woke up and often when he went to sleep, he was there even when the people of the hospital had Sai doing those tiring exercises…. And now Hikaru's grandfather was making it so that they could go to Tokyo, to… home.

One day, Sai knew, he would live with Hikaru. Once the hospitals had done all they could, Hikaru would still continue taking care of him. Hikaru would give him a home, a bed, food… and they would live together probably for many many years to come…

Sai felt guilty for it but he couldn't say no to any of it. He couldn't. He wouldn't be able to survive on his own in this world and he knew it. Only as long as Hikaru would be there would he manage, because he knew that no matter how long he stayed in this world, it would still confuse him and work beyond his comprehension.

That was why he wanted to become professional as soon as possible. He was a burden now, he couldn't do anything about that, but… but he would do anything in his power to ease that burden. Everything cost money, after all.

Sai stopped for a moment before placing down another white stone. He could remember hearing Hikaru and Mr. Shindo talking when they had thought he had been sleeping. They had been talking about Hikaru buying a house. Right now it was impossible - most of Hikaru's savings would go to Sai's hospital bills and Hikaru was too young anyway - but eventually…

Mr. Shindo had said that even if Hikaru saved from Go and art for a few years, it was still likely that he would have to take a loan and spend decades paying it. Unless he won a few title matches, but Hikaru hadn't been too confident about that.

 _I'm going to be an expensive burden for Hikaru,_ Sai thought. _I already am. But if I become a pro, I can… pay some of my dept back to him._ He would need Hikaru to get started but eventually… eventually he'd be able to start giving back. And while at it he would get to play as much Go as he wanted, so it wasn't in any way a bad deal.

 _How strange that all of a sudden a thing like money is an issue in my life,_ the man chuckled sadly. He had watched Torajiro and Hikaru both work for money in their time, though Hikaru hadn't exactly been short of it for over a year now, but he had been a spirit so it hadn't really meant much to him. Now it did again and it put a slightly cold perspective to his new world.

 _Having a body of my own… I will never regret it. But perhaps I overestimated the experience. It's much harder than being a spirit,_ the man mused looking at his thin hands again. He missed his fan, his hand seemed incomplete without it.

Hearing the door to the room open, Sai snapped his eyes up, already steeling himself for possibility to having lie to people. That seemed to be all he was doing with the hospital staff, lying to them. He almost sagged with relief when he saw that it was Hikaru's grandfather - but another sort of tension spread over him, making him unable to relax. "Mr. Shindo," he greeted.

"Sai," the man nodded, glancing around. "Where did Hikaru go? He was just here."

"He his gone to visit the Kansai branch of the Go Association," Sai answered. "He is going to get the necessary papers for entering the pro exam."

"Ah, I see. Of course," the man nodded and sat beside him. "He took off quickly though. Hasty brat."

Sai quirked a smile at the words but didn't quite smile. "Did you talk with Doctor Tanaka?" he asked instead, taking a black stone and placing it down on the Goban. Again the stone didn't go where he meant it to go.

"No, she was busy, but we'll talk a bit later," Mr. Shindo answered, looking at the Goban curiously. "Your game?" he asked.

"One Hikaru and I played… a while ago," Sai answered. For a moment they sat in silence as Sai traced the moves he and Hikaru had made on the Goban months and months ago. Hikaru had cried after the game, Sai remembered. Cried out of the painful joy of being able to play for the first time in a long while…

Suddenly Sai had an overwhelming urge to play against Hikaru. He shook it quickly away. Hikaru was busy and in the past days they had been playing often. He shouldn't be greedy as to ask for more.

"Is that Hikaru's?" Mr. Shindo asked after a moment, pointing at something on the bed side table. it was Hikaru's note book, so Sai nodded, not surprised to see the old man reach for it and flip it open. "Ho, he's been busy… where on earth did he get the time to draw all of this…?"

"While I was still in the coma or sleeping," Sai answered. He knew that the book was almost full already, and that Hikaru had drawn almost everything in the hospital room - even Mrs. Yoshida who had, before leaving, gotten a sketch from Hikaru as a memento. Most of the sketches were, as always, about Sai. He had eyed those sketches with rather morbid fascination. They had looked like pictures of someone else rather than him, even though he knew that they were quite accurate.

"If you don't make it in Go, you could always start a career in modelling. Hikaru seems to enjoy drawing you more than enough," Mr. Shindo snorted softly. "He should be paying you for it."

Sai smiled faintly but said nothing. He didn't know how to interact with the man without Hikaru there. He always had the feeling that the old man was constantly judging him and that he could see under Sai's skin somehow - like he could see more than most people. Talking with Hikaru's mother had been even more difficult, Sai was almost happy that she had left the day after she had arrived.

"Do you think you can really handle trying to pro exam at your state?" the man finally asked after long silence. "You're not exactly perfectly healthy right now. Even I can tell that it isn't a good idea."

"I know. But…" Sai frowned. He couldn't tell it to Hikaru, the boy would just argue against him, but perhaps he could tell it to Hikaru's grandfather… "Hikaru is already putting enormous effort into taking care of me. He is probably going to pay the entrance fee to the pro exam too," he said, remembering that it cost to take the exam. "He is going to take care of the hospital bill too… I feel guilty… for having him do all this for me. But I can't decline, so… I want to pay him back."

"You won't pay him back too well by having a relapse before you're even started getting better," the old man pointed out but he sounded somehow satisfied.

"I'll try to avoid that. Hikaru wouldn't let me, anyway," Sai chuckled. "The preliminaries are short in any case. I only have to win three matches to get into the main exam."

"Well, aren't you confident," Mr. Shindo raised his eyebrows. "Though, if you really did teach Hikaru, I suppose it's well earned confidence. Oh, that reminds me. Why didn't you ever take the exam before your accident? One as skilled as you seem to be should've been able to pass it easily enough."

"Huh?" Sai asked. _I was unable to, of course, different time period and I was a spirit… no wait. He's talking about the lie Hikaru made up._ "Oh, yes. I cannot remember. Perhaps I didn't have a reason to. Now I do."

"I see. Well, I'm happy to see that you're feeling responsible," the old man nodded thoughtfully and was quiet for a while. "I have been thinking about what will happen once you have been released from hospital. I don't think you can go to Hikaru's parent's house, they have a two-story house and all the bedrooms are on the second floor… they don't have extra room anyway, I think…"

"Yes, I know," Sai muttered. That was probably why Hikaru wanted to either buy or rent a place for them.

"I was thinking that you - and Hikaru as he's unlikely to want to separate from you - could move in with me and Hikaru's grandmother," Mr. Shindo said, brushing his hand thoughtfully over his chin. "We have enough space and with a few ramps you would be able to move around easily in a wheelchair, until you can safely walk again. And when Hikaru's not there, me and Grandma are there and are able to take care of you in case something happens. So it would probably be safer that way rather than if you two moved to live on your own."

Sai's eyes widened. That was an offer he had not expected. "Yes, uh… that sounds wonderful," he said. "But I think you need to talk to Hikaru rather than to me."

"I will, once he gets back," Mr. Shindo nodded, turning his eyes back to Hikaru's drawings. "I need to hire Hikaru to make a portrait of me and my wife," he muttered. "The brat's better than I thought."

 _You should see his paintings,_ Sai thought but didn't say it out loud. Turning his eyes back to the Goban, he sighed with relief. If they could move in with Mr. and Mrs. Shindo, it would be one burden away from Hikaru's shoulders and they wouldn't need to try and find a place to live. While placing another stone down, he hoped that Hikaru would take the offer, even if the boy's grandfather made him nervous.

The old man beside the bed gave the board a thoughtful look. "As much fun as recreating old games is…" Heiachi spoke with a somewhat sneaky expression on his face, and took a stone from one of the bowls. "How about a real game? I've been itching to play you since Hikaru said you taught him."

Sai looked up and then smiled brightly. "I'd love to!" he said. Nervous or not, he'd _never_ turn down a game.

 

-

 

The office of the Kansai Branch of the Go Association in Kyoto was rather small. Unlike the Association building in Tokyo, it didn't have several floors and it probably had fewer rooms - and the playing hall was probably smaller too, but as Hikaru only saw the counter, he couldn't tell. All in all, the place wasn't all that impressive - but it was homey. It smelled and felt familiar, similar to the place at Tokyo.

"Excuse me. Hi," Hikaru greeted the man behind the counter. "Is it possible to get the forms for entering the pro exam in Tokyo from here?" he asked. "Or do I have to get them from Tokyo?"

"The forms are pretty much the same in Kansai and Tokyo so you can use the kansai forms - just remember to mark that you're not trying the Kansai Branch's exam," the man said while moving back to fish some papers from underneath the counter. He glanced up curiously. "First time trying the pro exam?"

"Oh, no, I'm already a pro. They're for a friend of mine," Hikaru answered and smiled crookedly. "The age limit was thirty years, right?" he asked as the man handed the forms to him.

"Yes, that's right," the man nodded, now looking even more curious. "I thought you looked a little familiar. I might've seen you in Go Weekly's article on first-dans…"

"Maybe. I've already been a pro for two years though, so it was a while ago," Hikaru said, glancing over the forms. They were pretty much the same ones he had filled - twice - in order to take the exam. The first time around he had just marked himself as an insei and had been sponsored by the Association itself, the second time he had paid for himself. "Good," he murmured. Sai was either twenty four or twenty six - it was hard to tell his age - but either way he was still young enough to take the exam.

The man behind the counter was eying him thoughtfully. "Now I know where I've seen you. You're Shindo Hikaru, right? You got the award for the longest winning streak this year. Broke master Kuwabara's record." He nodded thoughtfully and then frowned. "Though I heard that you broke the streak recently and took a leave."

"Yeah, I have a friend in the hospital here who needs me, so I can't play for a while. I might start playing again in a week or two," Hikaru said while taking off his backpack and pulling out a fresh new sketchbook from it. He slipped the forms between the pages in order to keep them from wrinkling. "You can mail these, right? Or do they have to be handed in by hand?"

"The Institute prefers that they're handed in in person," the man frowned. "But I think if you call the Tokyo office and explain why it's being mailed, I think they will understand." As Hikaru nodded with satisfaction, the man eyed him curiously. "This friend of yours who is going to take the exam, do you think he has any chance?"

"He was my teacher once, and he still kicks my ass in all the games we play," Hikaru said while zipping the pack and lifting it back to his shoulder. "I'll eat my shoes if he has a single defeat in the exam."

"Oh, interesting," the man murmured and then looked up, past Hikaru. "Good afternoon. What can I do for you?" he asked.

Hikaru glanced over his shoulder to see a slightly taller teenager with almost white hair standing behind him, looking around with bland curiosity. "I'd like the forms for entering the pro exam," the taller teen said. "You can get them here, right?"

"You too?" the man behind the counter said and quickly took out another set of forms. "Here you go. The exam itself is in the Osaka office, and not here - there's mention about it on the back. You need to have the forms filled out and handed back to the institute within a week, the dead line is next Friday - you can hand them in here, though."

"I'll have them done," the white haired teen said, glancing over the forms and nodding with satisfaction. Then he looked at Hikaru. "You're taking the exam too?"

"No, my friend is - he's taking the one for the main branch in Tokyo though," Hikaru said, shaking his head. "I've already passed the exam."

"You're a pro?" the teen asked.

"Yeah. I'm a second-dan."

"Oh," the white haired teen looked at him curiously for a moment before glancing at a clock nearby. "Do you have time for a game? There's a Go-salon nearby where we could play…."

"No, I need to head back," the boy with bleached bangs said apologetically. It had taken him longer than he would've liked to get to this place and he wanted to head back to the hospital before it got too late. "Maybe we'll play if you become a pro. I'm Shindo Hikaru, by the way."

"Yashiro Kiyoharu," the other nodded, looking slightly disappointed but shaking it off. "Later then."

Hikaru nodded and with a nod to the man behind the counter he turned to leave. _I haven't met any people from the Kansai branch before,_ he mused while jogging towards the train station. _I wonder if there are any strong players there…._

 


End file.
